Another couple of hours, another totally crazed Charlie Sheen interview from his Downward Spiral-Induced Publicity Tour '11. This time, the Two and a Half Men star engaged a TMZ reporter from his own backyard about everything from coke benders to the time he got lost in downtown Los Angeles when he was 7 years old. As is customary, here are the best quotes until the next interview.
Oh, and as Sheen was telling one of his "goddesses" how to make instant coffee during this live interview, the actor's publicist was simultaneously quitting. Though as Sheen put it, publicist Stan Rosenfield is a "p*ssy," and "not allowed" to quit. As such, Sheen "fired" him. OK, then!
On rock bottom: "I don't believe in rock bottom. Rock bottom is a fishing term."
On instant coffee: [To a "goddess" off camera] "Yeah, it's the pre-made. The instant. Mix the water with the powder. Don't confuse her though."
On how Two and a Half Men creators ripped off all of Sheen's own stories: "...which is another thing that pisses me off. It's like they took all of my experiences, all of the things I had to survive, all of my gold, used it and said, "Thanks" and then "Buh bye."
His message to his father: "I respectfully allow him to maintain those beliefs and those opinions. I don't support them. [...] He's Captain Willard and that's pretty bitchin'. Dude killed Brando. Come on. [...] I'm 45 years old. At some point, accept and embrace that."
On how he doesn't think he is setting a bad example for his five kids: "No, I think it's the Pandora's box thing. It's like saying, 'Don't eat candy," and then on their first birthday party they have a brain tumor because they ate 7,000 red vines because they never tasted it before. No man. Don't hide your children from stuff."
On the parenting advice he follows: "Lead by example and teach your kids right and wrong. If my right and my wrong is different than everyone else's, they're going to be different too."
What he would say if one of his kids told him he/she wanted to try a beer: "I'd strongly recommend against it. If he wants to try a beer, do it here...not driving around like some clown or some amateur."
On the beers sitting in his outdoor mini fridge: "Those are for guests."
Here's a random childhood story: "When I was 7 years old, I woke up on the school bus behind the last seat. The bus had been driven downtown somewhere I had never seen before parked where they park buses. I was 7 and had to find my way home. That was pretty gnarly. I woke up and went, 'This ain't Malibu.'"
On the best party he ever threw: "A lot of shit went on. It was epic. It was in my house up in Malibu Lake. It was radical. It was a ton of fun and no cameras were allowed. And they still talk about it to this day, 22 years later."
On the public's criticism: "These insults are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my sabre."
On CBS's mistreatment of him: "I'm sorry but when I've been left here to twist in the wind, like some sucker being shanked in the yard, on top of everything else, it's like, 'I don't even understand what I did wrong other than live a life that you all get jealous of."
On his feud with Chuck Lorre: "Chuck hasn't even had the decency to call me. Explain to me why you're making all of these rash dictatorial decisions without conferring with your star. I just don't know what I did to piss everyone off so much. Other than like, roll in with gold and rock star presence, hit every mark and deliver like numbers."
Sheen's poetic interpretation of former addict Aaron Sorkin's success: "Uh, Aaron Sorkin. Aaron Sorkin, West Wing anyone? Dude just won an Oscar last night. That was the best show on television. Best drama in the last 20 years. And [the network] got in my man's grill. They messed up his blend. The ink in his pen dried up and he went [to the network] and said, 'You don't appreciate me. I'm out. I'm going to go with me some Oscars.'"
On his fans: "I love and respect all of my beautiful fans. Whatever part I had in this, I sincerely apologize for. Whatever I can fix, I guarantee I will."
ยท Charlie Sheen Spills His Guts to TMZ [TMZ]