Charlie Sheen Has 'Fire Breathing Fists' and 5 Other Stories You'll Be Talking About Today

Also in this Friday edition of The Broadsheet: There's another Spider-man musical in the works... On the eve of the Oscars, the Emmys just got a little cooler... Find out where you saw that baby-talking blond on Thursday night's 30 Rock before... and more ahead.

· You crazy for this one, Charlie Sheen. In a scathing letter to TMZ (!), Sheen blasted Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre following the production shutdown of his hit CBS sitcom:

What does this say about Haim Levine [Sheen's nickname for Lorre, whose real name is Charles Levine] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows ... I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Huh. I think Woody Allen said it best in Annie Hall: "I have to go now Duane, because I'm due back on the Planet Earth." [TMZ]

· Wait! Before you go: If Major League 3 happens (again, since there was already a third Major League), Morgan Creek CEO James G. Robinson wants Sheen to stop acting like Lindsay Lohan. "If Charlie doesn't straighten up [...] I unfortunately can't put him in the movie." This is real, by the way, and not from The Onion. [TMZ]

· Can we just call a moratorium on additional Spider-Man musicals? Spidermann is the second being planned in New York, following the recently announced The Spidey Project: With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility. Mann comes to New York via Seattle and apparently "threads together elements of the original comic book story, references to the buzz-heavy Broadway debacle, songs stripped down to their essential core, and dreamlike video sequences to create a new mythology in an art-house style." Sounds awfulsome. [NYT/ArtsBeat]

· Did you watch 30 Rock and wonder where you had seen the actress playing Sarah Silverman/Olivia Munn-like comic Abby Flynn before? On The Sopranos, naturally! Actress Cristin Milioti appeared Johnny Sack's daughter on three episodes of the HBO series. [Zap2it]

· Good news, Emmys watchers! The miniseries and television movie categories are combining, which means this year's telecast is sure to be 11 percent less boring. [Deadline]

· Ewan McGregor is reportedly close to joining the cast of Bryan Singer's Jack the Giant Killer. [THR/Heat Vision]

· Despite offering up a fairly wonderful opening monologue for Anne Hathaway and James Franco, Ricky Gervais won't be watching the Oscars on Sunday because it falls on the Sabbath. "I pleaded with my Bishop 'But surely watching The Oscars counts as pleasure,'" he wrote to THR in an email. "My Bishop replied 'Then you are a bigger c*nt than you look my son.'" Tip your waitress! [THR]