The Charlie Sheen chronicles just keep getting better. (Worse?) After another public talk radio rant on Thursday, in which the Two and a Half Men actor trashed the show's creator Chuck Lorre and Thomas Jefferson (why not?), the actor called into Fox Sports Radio's Loose Cannons moments ago to level the worst insults at his network and sitcom yet.
On Two and a Half Men creators Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn: "They kept getting up in my grill. They kept telling me how to live my personal life. I kept telling them, 'Back off.' But they wouldn't and I'm the kind of guy who doesn't hassle anybody. [...] I kept asking for that respect and I couldn't get it. These guys are a couple of AA Nazis and blatant hypocrites. [...] I watch [Lorre] just wail on people that have been loyal to him for two decades."
On the possibility of doing season 9 of Two and a Half Men: "I gave them my word so I would do that but not with the turds that are currently in place. It's impossible. Can you imagine going back into the sludge pit with those knuckleheads at this point?"
On CBS exec Les Moonves: "He rolled into my house and he made a man-to-man request and I honored it. I asked for a couple of things and he's not honoring that so we're pretty much done unless he's got a really good excuse for a guy that like lives in the middle of truth."
On CBS's threat to not pay Sheen for his work this season: "Defeat is not an option. [...] They are in absolute breach. I did nothing wrong. I expressed an opinion and I got the First Amendment behind me and an army marching behind me, to quote Eminem."
On how being "nice" has gotten him nowhere: "I was a get-along guy for eight and a half years. I put $5 bil in the studio's pocket. I put a half a bil in Chuck [Lorre]'s pocket. So, this is the fricking thanks I get? [...] Dude, I should have been fricking walking in, handing out sandwiches, massages and [censored]. Yeah, I said it."
On the rumored HBO series, Sheen's Corner: "There are some talks about a thing that would give me the freedom to do something beyond the drivel that is this, I don't know, this pukefest [Two and a Half Men] that everybody worships. I don't know. I'm like, 'Wow. That was another bad joke!'"
On whether he will appear at the Oscars: "Yeahhhh...that's probably a place I should avoid just because it might cause a little too much attention. But I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big."
On his workout routine that does not involve crack: "Man, if you want to meet me for one of my workouts at 5 AM, you're going to find out that smoking cocaine just does not fit into that snapshot. There's no time for that right now."
On his new addiction to life: "If you can get your hands on a drug that gets you higher than -- I hate to say it -- life, but just living in the moment and finally enjoying this life, then present that drug. I don't think it exists."
On his message to newly out-of-work Two and a Half Men crew members: "Get focused. Pay attention. We are at war and there are ways to deal with these clowns and take all of their money."