Here's how we know things have gotten, let's say, out of hand for Nicolas Cage: No one even bothers to even ask any longer, "What the hell happened to Nicolas Cage?" when one of his new films opens. It's expected! Face it: Nic Cage is going to make movies only worth seeing because Nic Cage has become the equivalent of an alien on display that uses its own feces as an interstellar communication device. Sure, it makes you queasy, but at the same time, it's downright fascinating. Enter this weekend's Drive Angry. How did this happen to the former Oscar winner?! Let's take a look at eight milestones -- not necessarily his best roles (they do exist!), mind you -- that evolved Nicolas Kim Coppola into what he is today.
Best of Times (1981)
First of all, how does this YouTube video not have one billion hits by now? Best of Times, a made-for-TV movie, is Cage's first role where he's not just standing in the background not doing anything (like in Fast Times at Ridgemont High), and he's absolutely insane. Actually, you could make a strong case to stop this list right here; this is pretty much all of the evidence that's needed to explain what we have today. (Also of note: This film also features the debut of the not-quite-as-insane-but-he-sure-tried-a-few-times Christian Slater.)
Valley Girl (1983)
Cage toned down his act -- but just a bit -- for this ode to early '80s California romance (and Modern English songs). Valley Girl is not only Cage's first true starring role, but it's also the first film to feature the name "Nicolas Cage" (as opposed to Coppola) in the credits.
Peggy Sue Got Married (1986)
After some supporting roles in films like Rumble Fish, Racing with the Moon and The Cotton Club, Cage played the breakup role in this movie about Kathleen Turner going back in time. Cage, 10 years younger than Turner, played the role of Turner's husband/boyfriend Charlie Bodell both in the present and past. Here, Cage sings "I Wonder Why." (And yes, that's Jim Carrey singing next to Cage.)
Raising Arizona (1987)
What happened to this guy? Raising Arizona, Joel and Ethan Coen's second film, might just be the best film Cage has ever been a part of. (Though, to be fair, I have yet to see Drive Angry).
Honeymoon in Vegas (1992)
So it begins! I'm well aware that Cage still has two Oscar nominations in his future at this point in his career, but with two of his words spoken in Honeymoon in Vegas -- "airport jail!" -- it somehow registered with Cage that he could just scream a bunch of crap and people would find it entertaining. In fairness, Honeymoon in Vegas isn't terrible (and this scene is kind of funny); it's serviceable enough as a romantic comedy. Nevertheless, it would just lead to a slew of terrible stuff in the future for Nic Cage.
Con Air (1997)
I often ask this question: If you heard there was a new movie coming out with John Cusack, John Malkovich, Steve Buscemi, Danny Trejo and Dave Chappelle, would you be excited? Hey, it's already out! It's called Con Air! After winning an Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas, Cage turned up the sh*t-o-meter to warp seven with... well, whatever exactly this is. I mean, Christ, in what world does a man get convicted and sent to prison for such an obvious act of self-defense? And then the judge declares that his fists are... You know what? Whatever. At least all the names mentioned earlier recovered. For my own health, we're skipping Face/Off.
Adaptation (2002)
A movie like Adaptation is frustrating because it proves (along with World Trade Center and Bad Lieutenant) that Cage, when he wants to, can still give a great performance. In director Spike Jonze's Adaptation, Cage plays twins Charlie and Donald Kaufman as they try to adapt Susan Orlean's book, The Orchid Thief, to a motion picture.
The Wicker Man (2006)
The plot: doesn't matter. The performances: meaningless. All that matters are the bees. For better or worse, there is no scene that sums up modern day Nic Cage more than this.
Fever Pachinko Commercial
OK, except perhaps this. Not a film role, but I just want to point out that this Japanese commercial exists. Again: What the hell happened?
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