The 5 Most Monstrous Things Charlie Sheen Told Dan Patrick On the Radio

Wow. Just, wow. Even more of Charlie Sheen's 28-minute radio interview with Dan Patrick has appeared online, and it's filled with the type of denials, rationalizations and desperation that only the most depressing episodes of Intervention possess. Ahead the five worst quotes from Sheen in the interview -- who, to be fair, says he's currently clean and sober.

1. About his sobriety: "I was sober for five years a long time ago and was just bored out of my tree. It's inauthentic -- it's not who I am. I didn't drink for 12 years and, man, that first one [drink], Dan. Wow."

2. About any morality clause in his contract: "I haven't read it, but I don't think it covers 'Let us totally dominate and interfere with your personal life.'"

3. About Two and a Half Men producers forcing a hiatus: "It's like, I heal really quickly. But I unravel pretty quickly. So get me right now, guys."

4. About his advice to the UCLA baseball team to stay away from crack: "[There were] rumors that I've had problems with crack, so it just came out of me like poetry. I said stay off the crack, and I still think that's pretty good advice, unless you can manage it socially. If you can manage it socially, then go for it, but not a lot of people can, you know?"

5. About whether he's more valuable to CBS than former MVP (and impending free agent) Albert Pujols is to the St. Louis Cardinals: "We're both on the talent side. And when you become a commodity it's sort of on a different level. Just because I'm a humble guy, I'd like to think -- I'd like to believe that Albert is [more valuable]."

You can listen to the full interview over at Dan Patrick's radio show site.

· Sheen Says Sobriety 'Bores' Him [NYP]