North Carolina Lost Fan Still Confused About the Series

This time last year, Lost fans were busily preparing to watch "The Substitute" -- that outstanding season six episode which featured the first glimpses of the mysterious cave, the listing of the candidates, and Benjamin Linus as a prickly high school history teacher. The series never really explained much about that cave -- Jacob's? The Man in Black's? Hurley's? -- but it did seem to answer many of its most burning questions. Just not enough for this Craiglist poster.

Despite an overwhelming about of Internet space devoted to the meaning of Lost, at least one North Carolina fan is still confused. So confused, in fact, that they're even offering to buy you breakfast if you can explain the show. To wit:

Obviously this is a one-time deal. My offer is that I will buy you breakfast (anywhere you want) in exchange for an hour of your time and intimate knowledge of the TV series Lost. First, a bit of background: 1) I HAVE seen every episode of Lost, repeat I HAVE watched the entire series. I just can't tie it all together 2) I'm not a complete idiot 3) But I'm not a Mensa member either. Also, you're probably asking yourself, "Why don't you just look the information on the 'ol World Wide Web?" Well, I have a series of questions that aren't really answered by specific web posting(s). And while one posting might answer one question it can, at times, contradict another answer I thought I had nailed down. So I want to be able to ask follow up questions, in real time, as they arise. My main confusion (read: frustration) is the last season's crescendo of disappointment that climaxes with the last episode. I want to move on with my life; I need a healthy relationship with a new TV series, but I have baggage I need to check. This will be as cathartic as it is educational for me. That is also why it is of absolute importance that this happen with a stranger. I don't want to be reminded of this experience every time I see someone I know; it needs to be a clean break. What I need from you is a healthy and macroscopic understanding of the Lost universe along with grasp on tertiary plots/character arcs/unexplained island phenomena, a sympathetic attitude that understands why I might feel incomplete with the Lost anthology and a workman like attitude in tandem with razor sharp analytical skills.

The bottom line here is I basically need a therapeutic closing as it has been months and I can't shake this feeling that I've been given the business by this show. Also, yes, it must be breakfast as I am a morning person and my mind works best between my first and second cups of coffee. It is paramount that my mental agility be at its apex for this exercise.

I summation: we meet at a public place, I buy you breakfast, you answer my questions about Lost and walk away after exactly one hour. At that point I will order a third cup of coffee, let the experience wash over me, tip the server 35% (as I foresee audible cursing that will need to be financially compensated for) and take a gratifying sip that will be the beginning of the rest of my life. Shalom.

To be fair, the person sounds pretty nice (what a big tipper!), and at least seems to realize how this request is incredibly awkward/creepy (the emphasis on meeting in a public place). Similarly disenfranchised Lost fans can respond by following the link here.

· Letting Go of 'Lost' [The Awl]