The 15 Most Relevant Moments From the SAG Awards

Unless Sandra Bullock is toasting Betty White, the Screen Actors Guild Awards rarely provide much to write home about. Yeah, the SAGs often foretell the Oscars, but Sunday's ceremony was a limp sequence of tributes, forgettable speeches, and Golden Globe regurgitation. There were really only 15 relevant moments from the two-hour telecast, and some of them might be fabricated. Click ahead for the mostly true review.

1. For an award called the SAG, the statuette has the pertest genitals I've ever seen.

2. Glee won nothing and I finally felt like singing.

3. I suspect Al Pacino was not invited to the ceremony because there's a chance he actually turned into Jack Kevorkian sometime around 2003.

4. Julianna Margulies broke her own record as the most nominated actor in SAG Award history. I like to imagine Carol Hathaway and Alicia Florrick smirking in approval at each other.

5. Melissa Leo and Christian Bale racked up another round of victories for their supporting work in The Fighter. And Team Jacki wept.

6. The In Memoriam reel was competitive. Dennis Hopper took the pimp spot, but Jean Simmons dazzled with a gorgeous mid-pack showing.

7. Betty White won a TV award for Hot in Cleveland. She took almost five minutes to get to the stage, but she helpfully muttered, "Just everyone shut up!" for the entire duration.

8. HBO's Temple Grandin picked up a trophy for Claire Danes's lead performance. In a tribute to Temple, Ms. Danes made eye contact with no one but the 500 other awards she's won.

9. Temple Grandin took one look at the SAG congregation, realized they were inhumanely herded cattle, and stormed out.

10. 94-year-old Ernest Borgnine took home the lifetime achievement trophy. Presenter Tim Conway noted that Borgnine has starred in 170+ movies. The rest of the speech was hard to hear as Betty White kept yelling "Lazy!" to no one in particular.

11. That damn Boardwalk Empire won two things. I call that show Monotonopoly.

12. Colin Firth is purposely botching his speeches to win cred for the Oscars.

13. Helena Bonham Carter was not rewarded for her bit part in Black Swan as The Grey Goose.

14. For some reason, Donald Sutherland presented the final award. For some reason, he is always a little frightening.

15. The King's Speech beat The Social Network for Best Ensemble! Oh no! The Social Network settled for the meager door prize of understanding, addressing, and skewering an entire generation.

[Photo: Getty Images]