Even by today's standards, it's been a pretty strange week for remake announcements. Sandwiched in between seminal films in both the buddy cop and Sam Peckinpah genres, we've also got remakes of two classic musicals with Jay Z and Willow Smith attached to one and Beyonce and Clint Eastwood to the other. Not to mention Westworld! Actually, go ahead and remake Westworld. That's fine. Anyway, in celebration of Friday, let's step once more into a Hollywood fantasyland where content and quality are priority number one (or at least not so low on the list), and look at alternatives to several of these high profile remakes.
The Remake: Sam Peckinpah's untouchable Western Classic, The Wild Bunch.
The Alternative: Convoy
The Logic: Sam Peckinpah's uneven, late-career film about a sheriff antagonizing a group of truck drivers isn't as bad as some reviews suggest. But unlike The Wild Bunch it's not, you know, already almost perfect. Besides, the truck driver sub-genre is just as neglected as Westerns these days!
The Remake: Lethal Weapon.
The Alternative: Amos and Andrew
The Logic: I don't really understand the logic of remaking Lethal Weapon since pretty much every film in the buddy cop sub-genre could already substitute as a remake. Oh right, the name recognition and inevitable built-in interest of the title. But back to fantasyland! Let's give the E. Max Frye's satirical flop another go! It can still feature guns and witty banter about race relations, plus after that wrongful arrest of Henry Louis Gates Jr, the plotline is more culturally relevant than ever!
The Remake: A Star is Born, directed by Clint Eastwood and starring Beyoncé.
The Alternative: Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice
The Logic: Yes, fine -- the two films don't relate at all, and I'm just trying to add a little more fuel to the fire for that 3-D orgy I've already advocated. Besides, this Clint Eastwood-directed remake with Beyoncé is so bizarre that any alternative seemed as good as the next. How about How Green Was My Valley with Charlie Sheen and Carey Mulligan? See?
The Remake: Annie, with Will Smith, Willow Smith and Jay-Z connected somehow.
The Alternative: The Bad Seed
The Logic: The fact that Will Smith is buying star-vehicles for all of his children is so nauseatingly cute, it'd be nice if those star vehicles had a little bit of edge. Or in this case, a lot of edge. Jay-Z could play a nanny.