The Sequel to Kick-Ass Is Actually Just a News Story

Back in September, Mark Millar told reporters that a sequel to Kick-Ass -- the Matthew Vaughn-directed adaptation of his comic book which only performed lukewarmly at the box office -- had been greenlit. Since then, Movieline has not thought much about Lionsgate appending the film until today, when I stumbled upon a local news story about an actual guy who patrols the streets of Seattle -- and stops real crime -- while wearing a superhero costume. I present you with the only Kick-Ass sequel Movieline HQ needs: Phoenix Jones.

Like Kick-Ass's protagonist Aaron Johnson, "Phoenix Jones" is an ordinary guy who was inspired by comic books to become a real-life superhero in spite of having no actual superpowers (that we, Seattle local news outlets or Jones's godmother -- who has spoken to police -- know of). And just this past Sunday, Phoenix Jones, in full latex regalia, came to the rescue of a young man whose car was "within seconds of being broken into."

Take it away, KIRO TV...

The encounter started in Lynnwood Sunday evening when a man, who asked to be identified only as Dan, was walking back to his car in a parking lot when he saw a man with a metal strip trying to pry open his car.

"He started sticking it down between the window and the rubber strip," said Dan.

Dan began to call 911, but said help arrived before he even finished dialing.

"From the right, this guy comes dashing in, wearing this skin-tight rubber, black and gold suit, and starts chasing him away," said Dan.

What Dan didn't know is that just about every night, an anonymous Seattle man strolls into a comic store, enters a hidden back room and emerges transformed.

Although in this case Phoenix Jones was not quite fast enough to catch his car-vandalizing target, he travels prepared for nearly every kind of conflict, with a bullet-proof vest, stab plates, a ballistic cup, a Taser night stick and a vial of "Mace slash tear gas."

According to a report from SeattleCrime.com, Phoenix Jones is just one part of the Rain City Superhero crime fighting team, a squad of eight normal guys living out their Batman fantasies on the streets of Seattle. The other vigilantes are known by Seattle police as Thorn, Buster Doe, Green Reaper, Gemini, No Name, Catastrophe, Thunder 88 and Penelope.

In November, Phoenix Jones was followed back to his "secret lair" by police after a concerned citizen reported that "two masked men pull[ed] their Kia Forte into a Capitol Hill gas station with its headlights off in the middle of the night." When cops knocked on his door, the masked avenger's godmother answered and told police that her godson "dresses up like a superhero and goes out with his friends at night and does good deeds."

Reportedly in his 20s, Jones started fighting crime a year ago and has allegedly "stopped a late-night knife fight under a bridge." The same article reports that Jones has also been stabbed once. It is not clear whether both incidents occurred the same night.

To review, Phoenix Jones is a Seattle citizen in his mid-20s who lives with his godmother, drives (or has a friend who drives) a Kia Forte, stops (but does not catch ) thieves and hangs around with other real-life vigilantes who go by the names of "Green Reaper" and "Gemini." Granted, this could all be a hoax -- just one caped crusader hellbent on parodying the Vaughn movie -- but maybe there are real life super... er, averageheroes patrolling the streets and dark alleyways of our cities? Either way, this is the best story I will read all day and the only Kick-Ass sequel I need -- unless of course, A&E could give Phoenix Jones a reality show. I'll produce!

· Real-Life Superhero Walks Streets, Fights Crime [KIROTV.com]

· On Patrol With Phoenix Jones: Guardian of Seattle [SeattleCrime.com]