10. Tyra Banks, America's Next Top Model
America's most gifted smizer understands the subtle, cheek-centric differences between "commercial," "editorial," and "high fashion" models. Better yet, she's one of the few reality judges who garners the complete trust of her subjects.
9. Iman, The Fashion Show: Ultimate Collection
Though Isaac Mizrahi is the more determinedly articulate member of The Fashion Show: Ultimate Collection's panel, Iman is the undisputed sorceress. I'll allow this clip to explain.
8. Merle Ginsberg, RuPaul's Drag Race
Ginsberg has the unenviable task of competing on the Drag Race panel with RuPaul, whose word is the lord's, and Santino Rice, whose snark and sneer are torpedoes. But somehow she thrives in this ecosystem, ably pinpointing the drag queens' vulnerabilities, hang-ups, and general fabulousness.
7. Carrie Ann Inaba, Dancing with the Stars
Meanwhile on the considerably less cool Dancing with the Stars, Inaba has the unenviable task of counterbalancing Len Goodman, who remains stodgy as ever, and Bruno Tonioli, who is a zoo animal. Within an average 20-second critique, she points out issues of technique, flair, and physicality without becoming self-serious. Word for word, she might be the most efficient judge on reality TV.
6. Nigel Lythgoe, So You Think You Can Dance
TV's most positive reality-competition series has a lovable grandmaster in Nigel Lythgoe, who is at his best when he's defending great contestants who aren't earning enough viewer votes from week to week. The onetime dancer (who studied "classical ballet, modern jazz, ballroom, character, classical Greek and National dance") understands both talent and star quality, and his understanding lends urgency to SYTYCD.
5. Simon Cowell, American Idol
Did Simon phone it in this season? Certainly. And did he back the marginally talented Lee DeWyze? Yes. But his serrated quips remained the backbone of American Idol, and you can't help but love a curmudgeon who inspires a musical number as gigantic and cheesy as this one.
4. Gail Simmons, Top Chef
We could use more no-nonsense types -- that is, gimmick-free -- judges on reality TV, and Gail Simmons needs no artifice: She's a straight-talking magazine vet who articulates at warp-speed and makes home viewers feel like they've actually tasted the food.
3. Ben Folds, The Sing-Off
The underrated NBC competition benefits from a singer/songwriter judge who combines sympathy and tough love in qualified, never-longwinded commentaries. He picks apart harmonies, joyously indulges his stickler instincts, and never stumbles on a single word.
2. Michael Kors, Project Runway
To be fair, Kors often resorted to "mother of the bride"/"disco (noun)"-type throwaway comments when judging the eighth season of Project Runway. But to be fairer, he also spiced up his barbs magnificently. "She looks like a transvestite flamenco dancer at a funeral," for example? It's telling how great a judge is when he can scare the hell out of contestants using playground insults or just the word "Listen." I'm trembling in my Piperline accessories already.
1. RuPaul, RuPaul's Drag Race
His hard-strutting Logo show may have come in second place on our roundup of the year's best reality TV, but RuPaul is the ne plus ultra when it comes to artful criticism, non-bitchy sass, and wit that could filet Dorothy Parker. It's hard to argue with a head judge who told winning drag queen Tyra Sanchez -- with a certain Douglas MacArthur authority -- "Girl, your pu**y was on fire."