Season three of Jersey Shore is less than a month away (January 6! I haven't even ironed my face yet!), but the trailer proves new cast member Deena Nicole Cortese is a gale force. As the FoS reminds us (that's Friend of Snooki, obvs), she considers herself "class in a glass and party in a body," a phrase that rhymes only if you're named Deena. She also uses leopards as clothes. Will Deena fit in with the rogues gallery of Jersey Shore icons? Let's put her through the ranks.
First, though, the trailer:
At the end, Deena taunts and provokes Sammi, which can only mean good things. But you'll notice JWOWW pops out of nowhere like Toaster Strudel and lands haymakers on Sammi's fried noggin. It's possible Deena is all talk and little action, and we already saw too much of that in Angelina. I fret.
Furthermore, Deena doesn't really resemble Smurfette or a Koopaling, and that's an important Seaside Heights rule! If he could, Martin Luther would nail it to the mirrored wall at Club Karma. Judging by her publicity still, Deena's aware of how much animal-print and stankface a Jersey Shore cast member needs, but she might not have the towering individuality to become a star. I'll reserve judgment, though.
No, I won't: You better work, Deena, or prepare to consider yourself a grenade tucked inside a hippo.