Late Night Highlights: Johnny Depp Tells David Letterman the Worst Joke Ever

Last night, Johnny Depp promoted The Tourist by telling David Letterman a crazy joke that Al Pacino repeated daily on the set of Donnie Brasco. Elsewhere, Helen Mirren kissed Jay Leno (and then he made an erection joke), Carrie Fisher gave Craig Ferguson a scrotum key chain, Conan Jerseyfied a staffer, and Michael C. Hall sang the creepiest Christmas song ever.

5. Conan's Jersey Shore Frankenstein

Conan O'Brien really wants to get his Jersey-grown P.A. Chris on the MTV reality series that made "The Situation" a star -- so he used a segment last night to train his staffer on disrespecting women and appearing less intelligent.

4. Carrie Fisher's Kangaroo Keepsake

The star of HBO's Wishful Drinking stopped by the Late Late Show to give her friend Craig Ferguson a kangaroo scrotum key chain, discuss her time in the nuthouse and ask for a psychiatric reference.

3. An Oscar Winner Kisses Jay Leno

Do you know who likes stripper shoes? Helen Mirren. Seriously, she said so last night on The Tonight Show, before she talked about guns being a phallic symbol. Then she kissed Jay Leno.

2. Dexter Claus is Coming to Town?

Stranger to late night television Michael C. Hall made a rare appearance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to discuss the upcoming Dexter finale, but the big moment was when he sang a creepy rendition of "Santa Claus is Coming to Kill You Town"

1. Johnny Depp's Pacino Joke

The Tourist actor Johnny Depp visited the Late Show last night to tell David Letterman the bizarre joke that Al Pacino repeated day in and day out on the set of Donnie Brasco.