30 Rock: What happened, girl? I was happy to dispense with my usual pre-programmed bits of Peter Travers-ian praise ("Just plain funny!", "Wickedly touching!", "Jane Krakowski is the billowing smokestack atop this factory for chortles!"), but that's all over. For some reason, half of the characters in last night's episode reverted to storylines we'd forgotten, one-joke bits that expired last season, or plot devices that we already saw this season. Very strange. Let's treat each of 30 Rock's five lead characters like kindergarteners and teach them lessons about quality that will render them bedwetters for decades.
Liz: In theory, mining your personal traumas once every three episodes is a stellar plan. You have a silly childhood! You're fulla problems! You are us, but zanier actually. But your new-found connection between trust issues and food issues was too expected, which is a shame since the jokes leading up to your revelation were solid. (We should all tell a mall Santa this weekend, "You're a bigger disappointment than our current president Jimmy Carter!") In the future, Elizabeth Yahvali Freeman Lemon, if you're going to endure an emotional breakthrough with predictable results, get to the point faster. Your psychiatrist Kenneth will still feel loved enough.
Tracy: You did not just bring back that 40-year-old son of yours. I don't care for his theme restaurant ideas. Or his Staples humor. Or that velvety, creepy coo he whips out thrice an episode. If I want someone to make buggy Latka Gravas eyes for 22 minutes, I will not hire your son. I will watch Taxi. Because that's where Latka Gravas was a character. In the future, anytime you feel pressed to reveal more about your family life, just throw Sherri Shepherd at us. Still an undefeated champ in the 30 Rock guest actor phalanx.
Jenna: Fair empress: Glad to see you conclude your relationship with the likable, yet chilling Jenna impersonator. It was coming. But when you insisted on making easy jokes about releasing a sex tape on purpose, I thought you were maybe a faculty character on Glee. Read: the nadir of funny. Your arc last episode was a disaster, and not the type where you get to sing at a benefit. Let's get back on track with more references to shady exes next time. I think we're due for a Larry Fortensky riff, right? Good.
Kenneth: It's hard to decide what to do with you. You serve a purpose, you force Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy into fine, condescending one-liners, but there's just no other place your spooky whimsy can go. I dug the Stand By Me-esque flashback to a traumatizing eating contest, but you can't hyperventilate at the word "Harold" when we've already watched you huff and puff at the name "Ron" time and again. Why don't we see you fight for Jack's affection with Jonathan, or something? That'll keep you busy enough to spare us from (ugh) another "poke attack."
Jack: Actually, you ruled. No Avery nonsense, no time-consuming contemplation scenes, and a pitch-perfect Arizona State joke. Your head shape remains intellectually massive! Onward.