Of all my years of die-hard Saturday Night Live devotion, I honestly can't remember another time when I would recommend to just skip all the sketches in a given episode and, instead, just watch the musical act. If I were ever to do that, last night's episode would have been the one. Apart from Arcade Fire, though, the rest of the Scarlett Johansson-hosted episode fell flat on its face -- by far the worst show of the season. The blame doesn't rest with Johansson, who was decent enough with what she had to work with (save her pretty terrible monologue). But considering how strong the previous, Jon Hamm-hosted episode was, this was startling. To the Scorecard!
Sketch of the Night
"Unstoppable Trailer" (Pharoah, Killam, Johansson, Brittain): Admittedly, I have no idea if this parody of Denzel Washington's new runaway train movie is as funny to those who haven't seen the film. But yes: This is pretty much how the movie plays out. The first exchange between Pharoah and Killam about the nursing home and the daycare center is taken straight from the film. And the Rosario Dawson character played by Johansson is just as obsessed with the Chrysler Building. Honestly, they should have just used the entire 90 minutes to recreate the move rather than subject us to the rest of the sketches. (I'm sure Arcade Fire could have been worked in somehow.)
Score: 9.0
The Good
"Stars of Tomorrow" (Bayer, Johansson): This one just hit a personal chord. I remember the "actors" in my Midwestern high school who would be lauded as brilliant despite speaking the kind of dialogue Bayer absolutely nails in this sketch. Keep in mind, any other night this would be at the bottom of the "Good" list.
Score: 7.0
"16 and Pregnant Spinoffs" (Ensemble): Funny premise of combining 16 and Pregnant with every other MTV show. My favorite laugh: The new spinoff of MTV's Cribs features actual baby cribs; a less-than-excited Bayer tells the camera, "So, here it is," as she stands in front of her run-of-the-mill baby crib.
Score: 6.5
"Digital Short: What Was That?" (Samberg, Arcade Fire): Seriously, what is this? It gets credit for just being so weird. Samberg is a student who gets the chance to speak to the UN General Assembly and goes on a rant asking the purpose of the greatest atrocities of the last 200 years. To be fair to the U.N., a lot of the events Samberg listed occurred before the U.N.'s creation in 1945. I feel I'm being kind to a few sketches that normally wouldn't have been labeled as "good."
Score: 6.5
"Manuel Ortiz Show" (Armisen, Ensemble): OK, yes, I'm definitely being kind. I feel I'm classifying this sketch as good as some sort of legacy situation considering how much I've enjoyed these in the past. Granted, I still find delight at the sight of everyone dancing every time a new guest is brought out. Nevertheless, of all the Manuel Ortiz installments, this was the worst.
Score: 6.0
The Bad
"Middle School Kids" (Thompson, Ensemble): Kenan Thompson plays a middle school student who has a broken knee. After some inspirational lectures from a teacher, the other students convince Thompsan that anything is possible, even walking on his broken knee. It never works, leaving Thompson on the ground, screaming for the others to leave him alone. Classic SNL repetitive joke -- except that it doesn't get funnier.
Score: 5.0
"Ceramic Busts" (Armisen, Johansson): Yes, everything looks classier with a ceramic bust. This was OK, but could have benefited from being even weirder considering it was the last sketch of the night.
Score: 5.0
"Weekend Update" (Meyers, Sudeikis, Pharoah, Bayer, Armisen): This was by far the worst "Update" of the season -- even a pretty great bit featuring Kanye West and George W. Bush couldn't save it this week. Bayer and Armisen -- as two passengers of the stranded cruise show -- were beyond unnecessary.
Score: 4.5
"Hollywood Dish" (Hader, Wiig, Johansson): I have no idea why this is a recurring sketch. The two Hollywood reporters trying to milk answers out of a celebrity was slightly amusing the first time, but now it's just tired. Though it was slightly amusing to see Hader do a spit take into Wiig's face and then almost break character by laughing.
Score: 4.0
"Paula Deen's Paper Towels" (Wiig) My God, this episode was terrible. This is just a laundry list of unfunny sketch after unfunny sketch. In this one Kristen Wiig plays a standard Kristen Wiig character selling paper towels that have the ability to absorb all of the fat out of food, which leaves pretty much nothing. I wish there was a towel that could absorb all the unfunny sketches tonight, which, yes, would have left pretty much nothing.
Score: 3.0
The Ugly
"Millionaire Matchmaker" (Johansson, Ensemble): There is nothing worse than trying to parody something that's already, in reality, a parody of itself. Just because there some "hilarious" accents are thrown in doesn't mean this is going to be anything worth watching. Especially considering that this was one of the first sketches of the evening.
Score: 2.0
"G-20 Cold Open" (Obama, Hader, Pedrad) Week after week the cold open is absolutely terrible. Look, I realize that SNL thrives off its political humor, but it doesn't have to open the show week after week. Especially when it contains Armisen's pretty tired Obama and it's basically just a repeat of the exact same sketch they did last year -- only with Forte as the Chinese president instead of Hader. Feel free to compare and contrast with last season's version. Also, this sketch seemed to last forever.
Score: 1.5
"Scarlet Johansson Monologue" (Johansson, Wiig, Elliott) Seems pretty telling that this week's monologue isn't on Hulu. Johansson -- who has now hosted three times and was serviceable in the sketches in which she appeared -- just phones it in. It seemed so forced. Not to mention, the whole concept of "ways celebrities can stay out of the tabloids" seems like it would only be informative or funny to other celebrities. Also, yes, Twitter was quite vocal about Johansson's hairstyle; some compared it to Conan O'Brien. All night I was trying to figure out where I've seen that hairstyle before: I think I've figured it out.
Score: 1.0
Average Score For This Show: 4.69
Weekly Host Scorecard:
· Amy Poehler 6.04
· Emma Stone 5.88
· Jon Hamm 5.86
· Bryan Cranston 5.79
· Jane Lynch 5.31
· Scarlett Johansson 4.69