In last night's final part to South Park's Mysterion trilogy, Cartman employed the "LeBron James technique" to manipulate his mother, and later used a "cuddly cat" tactic to manipulate his dark lord into plucking Justin Bieber from a concert stage and smashing his skull in front of thousands of screaming girls. Below, a more detailed recap of Cartman's ingenious manipulation moves and the body count from last night's "Coon vs. Coon and Friends."
The episode opens on Bradley as Mintberry Crunch, who is taking heat from his friends for his admittedly weak "super power." As they convene in Cartman's basement, Cartman returns to his home and uses the "LeBron James technique" to get past his mother and into his former superhero sidekicks' meeting. Once inside, Cartman tells the boys to hurry outside to see the double rainbow. When everyone -- except for Mintberry Crunch, who has been banished -- steps outside, they realize that there is no double rainbow. On Cartman's command, the dark lord Cthulhu appears and Cartman commands him to banish his former friends "to a dark oblivion, please."
Later, as Cthulhu and Cartman outline their next plan of attack (Burning Man hippies, Whole Foods hippies) Cthulhu becomes agitated. Sensing that the LeBron James technique might not work on the dark lord, Cartman employs the "cute kitten" technique, kneading and curling up next to him, before convincing Cthulhu to destroy Justin Bieber too -- which Cthulhu does all too eagerly mid-concert.
Meanwhile in dark oblivion, Cartman's former friends are hopeless with no plan for escape. Mysterion (Kenny) decides to heroically fling himself into a pit of blades, killing himself. Moments later, (Mysterion) Kenny wakes up in his home back in South Park and sets out to find answers about Cthulhu from the local goth kids, who worship the dark lord. Once there, a fat goth's younger brother sees Mysterion and transforms into Mintberry Crunch.
When Mysterion and Mintberry Crunch finally track down the Coon and Cthulu, Mysterion offers the dark lord a deal -- give him back his friends and nothing will happen to him. At that time, a man in a bright light appears and reveals that he is Mintberry Crunch's real father and explains that Mintberry is in fact a superhero. After the message, Mintberry flies up to the moon, shuts the hole that BP drilled and jails Cartman in the Coon jail. Dejected, Mysterion tells his friends that he is going to sleep and shoots himself in the head. Moments later, Kenny's mother gives birth to a brand new Kenny.
Casualties Claimed at the Hands of Matt Stone and Trey Parker Last Night:
Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber Fans, Whole Foods, Burning Man, LeBron James, Tony Hayward, BP, Bruce Vilanch
Kenny's Cause(s) of Death:
Self-inflicted gunshots to the head and a leap into a pit of blades in the Dark Oblivion.
Obligatory Anti-Semitic Slur:
Kyle assuming the superhero name "The Human Kite." Cartman also ordered Cthulhu to "wipe out most of the synagogues" as their first order of business together.
Best Lines:
· "In order to get past her, I must use the LeBron James Technique," Cartman says before asking, "Mom, what should I do? Should I admit I made mistakes? Should I say I've done this before?"
· Trying to use the same tactic on his friends, Kenny asks, "But you guys, what should I do?"
--"You should f*ck off, that's what you should do," Kyle responds.
· "Now, we've taken out most of the synagogues, destroyed San Francisco, sent my friends to a dark oblivion, so, our next order of business is Burning Man. Burning Man is the biggest hippie festival in the world and tomorrow, we're going to wipe them all out. After Burning Man, we're going to wipe out Whole Foods," Kenny on his and Cthulhu's plans.
· "Tom, it appears Bruce Vilanch has arrived on the scene wearing a rat costume," a reporter says in reference to Cartman.
· "Coon and their Friends turn their attention to the next villainous scourge, bravely taking out all Whole Foods. Soon, the world would be rid of all evil, but first they'd have to take on their most evil opponent, Justin Bieber," Cartman plots.
Movieline Rating:
7/10