About every four episodes of 30 Rock, Jack Donaghy's "featured" girlfriend Avery (Elizabeth Banks) returns to Rockefeller Plaza, and we're spared the humiliation of hearing her discussed in the third-person for 22 minutes. In fact, she's a welcome comic presence: Elizabeth Banks nails her dialogue, conveys that Holly-Hunter-in-Broadcast News deadline fixation, and teems with old-fashioned alpha rage. Splendid. So why did I balk when she graced our screens again in last night's episode, "Gentleman's Intermission"?
Though she's been dealt some great -- nay, sublime -- one-liners during her 30 Rock tenure ("It's a 24 hour news cycle around here, Jack, we really don't have time to do it right here anymore." Someone call Bartlett's), Avery still isn't a perfect fit on the show. Why? It boils down to a single problem: 30 Rock has not done the work of convincing us Jack and Avery belong together.
Given Avery's haphazard attendance record, maybe we're not supposed to believe she and Jack can make a relationship work, even with a baby on the way. As of now she's as consistent a presence as Cerie, which is not great news. But on the off chance you do accept Avery as Jack's soulmate, you must consider that her sinister glares, hormonal overloads (including the Medusa-conjuring "onions" cry at the top of yesterday's episode), and asthmatic self-assurance make her less like congresswoman C.C. (Edie Falco), Jack's second-season girlfriend who's been his best match the whole series, and more like -- gasp -- Jenna Maroney. And we all know Jack only likes Jenna for her alcohol breath.
You might argue that Avery's flippancy impresses Jack, but her version of backtalk is a callous version of Elisa Pedrera's (Salma Hayek) from season three. Where's your salacious Slanket humor, Avery? Or your version of luscious burgundy nursing scrubs? Be luscious with us, dear. Let your ever-brushed hair down some more.
Facts are facts: Avery's a watered-down version of Jack's past flames instead of a fiery culmination of their best attributes. Next we'll find out she has even hollower bones than Phoebe (Emily Mortimer), or a tinier share in a Florida Arby's like Bianca (Isabella Rosselini). This girl needs chutzpah -- so far she only has the dialogue, energy, and conviction of an adequate Donaghy paramour.
In better news: Hey, Buck Henry's back as Liz's dad, and wearing a dapper Ed Hardy. I'd kill to see more '70s SNL presences here. Jill Clayburgh as Pete's mother? Don Novello as Frank's deadbeat cousin? No. Wait. Dan Aykroyd as the ghost-busting medium who's called in to lead a seance with Rockefeller Plaza's long-dead legends. Ray Parker Jr., you may play his agent.