It took no less than two BP oil spills and one moon-drilling-released Cthulhu, but South Park viewers finally know the true identity of Mysterion, the pint-size superhero who led his friends to near-justice and an alleyway stabbing in last night's episode "Mysterion Rises." Ahead, Movieline rips off Mysterion's mask (again), and as always, assesses the carnage of the latest South Park installment. Spoilerphobes beware.
The episode opens with Coon & Friends selling lemon bars outside of the local grocery store to raise money for the Gulf. When the group returns to their layer, a drunk Captain Hindsight has broken in and demands the blackmail pictures that Chaos (Butters) staged with Courtney Love (Butters dressed as Courtney Love) last week. Mysterion dismisses the group and agrees to handle Captain Hindsight himself. After Captain Hindsight laments the burden of his own superpower ("Do you know what a curse it is to have perfect 20/20 hindsight?"), Mysterion reveals that he does understand because he has a much greater superpower, the ability to never die. It is at this point that viewers realize that Kenny is in fact Mysterion.
Banished from his own superhero group, Cartman -- in full Coon gear -- hops a flight to the Gulf and warns the dark lord Cthulhu (who was accidentally released last week when BP drilled into the moon) that his former superhero group is coming after him but Cartman thinks that the two can work together. "I know how it feels to want to take over the earth and have everyone be your slaves," Cartman levels. "I do, bro." By acting "gentle and cute," Cartman manipulates Cthulhu into joining forces with him and then holds a press conference to announce their new partnership.
Mysterion (Kenny) discovers that his parents used to attend Cult of Cthulhu meetings for the free beer and uses them to track down the latest meeting. After, Mysterion follows a few Cult members into an alleyway and demands information about their dark lord. When more Cult of Cthulhu members surround Mysterion, Coon & Friends magically appear and awkwardly stand off against the Cult before a Cthulhu worshipper stabs Mysterion. But because Mysterion can never die, he wakes up in his bed the next morning as Kenny.
Meanwhile, Cthulhu & Coon (Cartman) ride off into the distance together happily.
Casualties Claimed at the Hands of Matt Stone and Trey Parker Last Night:
Tony Hayward, BP, Courtney Love
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Alleyway goth stabbing.
Obligatory Anti-Semitic Slur:
Kyle assuming the superhero name "The Human Kite"
Best Lines:
"You want to talk about curses, Hindsight? You're talking to the wrong f*cking cowboy." -- Mysterion/Kenny
"You think your power is a curse? Let me tell you something about curses. Because there are some superpowers that make yours look like nothing. Trust me. I know. I. Can't. Die. I've experienced death countless times. Sometimes I see a bright light. Sometimes I see heaven or hell. But eventually, no matter what, I wake up, wearing my same old clothes. And even worse, no one remembers. I go to school the next day and everyone is just like, 'Oh, hey Kenny.' Even if they had just seen me decapitated the day before." -- Mysterion/Kenny
"The superheros I speak of are in Colorado now and are plotting against you. They are all a**holes and deserve to be sent into dark oblivion. You can do that right?" -- Cartman
"Should I admit I was wrong? Ask for everyone's forgiveness and then go back to my original team? [...] Nah, screw that. I'm just going to keep being a f*cking dick." -- Cartman
Movieline Rating:
8/10