In a move long expected by television and necromancy insiders, the Prince of Darkness concluded his stygian bargain with former NBC head Jeff Zucker, taking full and formal control of his immortal soul. The two power players first met at NBC executives' retreat in the Maldives and struck up an immediate friendship, based on their mutual interests of corrosive lies, untempered maleficence, and Ben Silverman. Thanks to Satan's infernal intercession, Zucker was able to drag NBC from its lofty, long-held number one position to the fourth-rated network with nary a consequence or demotion. However, once Lucifer's diabolic protection was removed, Zucker was immediately terminated and Beezlebub's moved to claim Zucker's soul as his just bounty. Satan will add Zucker's soul to his demonic River of Perpetual Weeping, where it joins the souls of Josef Stalin, Pol Pot, and television's Barbara Billingsley.
