Survivor Loser Review: Over the Jill and Far Away

Jill. Here's what I can say about you, Jill: I have heard you speak, you have exhibited some personality, and I feel like you're a proper noun. I can't say the same for Alina or Purple Kelly or even Benry -- and he's named Benry. Take pride in the fact that the producers allowed you to exist for a good seven weeks. But don't take pride in the following few paragraphs, which will help explain your untimely dismissal.

Being Over 40 on La Flor

Jill lost Survivor the minute she was traded to La Flor. With the indomitable team of Brenda, Sash, and Purple Kelly (who I'm told is a real human) voting off the older folks, she was a hapless cipher primed for elimination. Is Sash anyone else's choice to win the whole thing? I'm feeling it right now.

Not Being Jane

Jane's just awesome, am I right? Her MacGuyver tendencies, her porch-dwelling grandmother chuckle, her inventiveness -- I'd be thick as thieves with her too if I were a happenin' youth like Sash, Brenda, or Person Kelly. Jill, meanwhile, was a connoisseur of straight faces and sullenness. If she chuckled, she might wheeze.

Not Voting for Marty

It was clear Jill would have stab some back to stay in the game. Why would an alliance with Marty, the clear target of Fabio and Jane, help her in the long run -- or better yet, the short run? If she'd voted for Marty, she'd have at least secured a tie and qualified to stay. Alas, loyalty got the better of her and she continues to wander on foot in the less-telegenic corners of Nicaragua as we speak.