"I have no idea what is going on in this script and it's not in a cool, Inception kind of way," Finn said while reading the Rocky Horror musical that he and the New Directions gang were producing in last night's episode of Glee. The same could be said of "Rocky Horror Glee Show," which had phenomenal numbers, Schue's funniest scenes (and most horrifying close-ups) of the season, some solid gender-play -- but also a plot that veered from confusing to convoluted and back again. Once you get past the fact that most of Ryan Murphy's storylines are just vehicles for great playlists and random razor sharp one-liners -- instead of consistently coherent plots -- then you can enjoy the show for what it is: That full-size candy bar in your Halloween pillowcase. Not exactly nutritious but satisfying nonetheless.
Last night's episode began with Rocky Horror-reminiscent credits (were those Dianna Agron or Naya Rivera's lips?) and Emma telling Schue that she and her dentist boyfriend Carl (John Stamos) have recently become obsessed with The Rocky Horror Picture Show. To impress her, Schue lies that he has actually assigned the musical to his class that week. He didn't.
Schue prints out parent approval forms and breaks the news to his kids. They all assign themselves different roles. Rachel and Finn are Janet and Brad. Mercedes assumes the role of Frank N. Furter after Kurt passes and Mike Chang's parents don't give him permission to appear. Santana and Quinn pair up to take Magenta (to save their voice, as Rachel says). Sam is Rocky. And Brittany assumes the role of Columbia.
Meanwhile, original Rocky Horror stars Meat Loaf and Barry Bostwick (I know) convince Sue Sylvester to go undercover and produce an exposé on her local television segment that explains what taxpayer's hard-earned money is actually going toward: Risque and over-produced high school musicals!
Because Schue was so suddenly distracted by Emma again, he allowed Sue Sylvester to direct the production and when she suggested that Emma's new boyfriend Carl join the cast (apparently the practice schedule did not conflict with his dentistry practice or reality), Schue grudgingly gave him the part of Eddie. Egos clashed. Emma still swooned over Carl. And in what can only be described as last night's C-plot, three male characters' chests were exposed for the camera to the dismay of Finn, who is insecure about his body.
HIGH NOTES
· Schue's rivalry with Carl has reinvigorated the Will Schuester character.
· Sue's Corner, Sue Sylvester's local news segment in which she gives her hilariously contrarian views on things like caning, and in last night's show, instilling fear in children. "Children must know fear," Sue began. "Without it, they'll try Frenching Grizzly bears and consider living in Florida.
· Finn and Rachel's "Dammit Janet" duet.
· Sue's theory that "People who dress like librarians are all sex addicts."
· Ryan Murphy's gender roleplay: Mercedes played the Dr. Frank N. Furter role. Finn worried about his weight. Santana and Brittany objectified Finn based on his body.
· "I'm so bored I just fell into a microsleep." -- Sue Sylvester.
· Emma's sexy "Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me Number." (Gleek fun fact: This was the number that Jayma Mays used for her Glee audition.)
· "Time Warp," which Kurt stole thanks to his spooky make-up and zany-eyed Riff Raff.
LOW NOTES
· Finn's shallow insecurity -- if anyone could have pulled off this concern convincingly, it would have been one of the stronger actors.
· Sue's anecdote about sitting in a screening of Rocky Horror Show with her disabled sister while people threw toast at them.
· Sue telling Carl that 70% of all teeth at McKinley High are wooden -- and for that reason, he should become involved with Schue's Rocky Horror tribute. Doesn't Carl remember being school dentist during the Britney Spears episode?
· Maybe it's just me, but does anyone else wonder how Carl, a working dentist, has the time to swing by McKinley High during school hours, show Emma that new feather boa he purchased and break into an impromptu performance of "Hot Patootie?"
GLEESARY
The Arts - (n.) According to Schue, this is any work that "push[es] boundaries, doing something people say you can't do for the sake of self-expression."
Full Business - (n.) A nickname Finn uses to describe his penis. "I can't go onstage in front of the full school in tighty whiteys. They'll be able to see my full business."
Halloween - (n.) According to Sue Sylvester, this is "the day when parents encourage little boys to dress like little girls and little girls to dress like whores. And go door-to-door to hard-working Americans, brow-beating them to give them food."
POP QUIZ
1. What does Brittany plan to dress up as for Halloween?
a) A Trapper Keeper
b) Dora the Explorer's backpack
c) A peanut allergy
d) A wind farm
2. When Carl (John Stamos) storms onstage during the New Directions' "Rocky Horror" rehearsal, he is wearing head-to-toe ________.
a) pig blood
b) leather
c) plaid
d) denim
3. Finn is "kinda insecure" about which of the following things?
a) The way he looks
b) The way he dances
c) The way he sings
d) The way he plays football
4. What is the horrifying image that Sue carves into her Halloween pumpkin?
a) Larry King, surrounded by bats
b) Simon Cowell, surrounded by bats
c) Rush Limbaugh, surrounded by bats
d) Her own likeness, surrounded by bats
5. When kids don't have arts, Sue Sylvester says that they turn to what?
a) sex crimes
b) graffiti
c) drugs
d) human trafficking
6. Sam's abs were featured how many different times in last night's episode?
a) 2
b) 3
c) 4
d) 5
7. Finn's abs were featured how many different time in last night's episode?
a) 0
b) 1
c) 2
d) 3
8. Which character whose abs were featured prominently in last night's episode was most "ab-tastic?"
a) Sam
b) Finn
c) Schue
Answers: 1) c; 2) b; 3) a; 4) d; 5) c; 6) b; 7) b 8) This answer is completely subjective