It was the thud heard 'round the sports world. The Miami Heat, led by high-priced talent LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh, mustered a feeble 80 points in their opening-night loss to the Boston Celtics on Tuesday. For those unfamiliar with the Heat -- they play basketball... in the NBA -- the hype surrounding the franchise following their off-season spending spree was pitched at Inception-like levels. To help put this huge anticlimax in perspective for the casual or even non-sports fan, here are nine box office disappointments that rivaled the Heat debacle in Boston last night.
· Bruno
You can say whatever you want about Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno -- and believe me, there were plenty online types who tried to defend its total gross -- but after the comedian struck box office gold with Borat, the numbers for his follow-up were an epic disappointment. Yes, it was the number one movie when it opened in the summer of 2009, but its $30 million gross was well below industry expectations. Bruno only grossed $60 million domestically and over $120 million less than Borat did worldwide. As an added bonus, Cohen is still shuffling through lawsuits. As the kids say, an epic fail.
· Jennifer's Body
I remember when Jennifer's Body was on the eve of its release, people assumed it would gross a standard September teen movie number. Think: Easy A's $17.7 million. Instead it went nuclear: $6.8 million, just over $30 million worldwide and at least partially responsible for the current status of Megan Fox's career. That the film is actually really fun and should be watched by you this weekend in honor of Halloween, matters only to cult enthusiasts like me.
· Whip It
See: Jennifer's Body. Another fun, perfectly acceptable fall release that you thought might run up into the low teens on opening weekend. Drew Barrymore's directorial debut didn't even crack $5 million.
· MacGruber
Whither MacGruber. The numbers were so bad, even Lorne Michaels had to be embarrassed, and he produced Stuart Smalley Saves His Family. No one expected MacGruber to be Austin Powers 2, but this thing didn't gross $10 million worldwide. Five seconds, MacGruber, etc.
· Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
And to think, yours truly thought Scott Pilgrim would break $20 million on opening weekend. The Internet-beloved film only barely topped $30 million domestically and finished a distant fifth during its opening salvo.
· Grindhouse
Looking back, how could anyone be surprised that audiences didn't want to pay to see a couple of late night cable movies that lasted 3 hours and 11 minutes?
· Town & Country
This is a classic. As long as by classic, you mean disaster. Warren Beatty and company spent more than $100 million and three years to get Town and Country in theaters and it wound up grossing a MacGruber-like $10 million worldwide. Show business, right, guys!?
· The Bonfire of the Vanities
The expectations on this one were certainly pitched high: Tom Hanks. Bruce Willis. Melanie Griffith. Director Brian De Palma. Tom Wolfe's bestselling source novel. Then people saw the film. Or, didn't see the film. Vanities ranked eighth on the weekend in opened in December of 1990, behind such legendary films as Look Who's Talking Too and The Russia House.
· Delgo
What kind of per-screen average did Delgo grab on its opening weekend? 237. Dollars. That's it. Not thousand. Not million. Dollars. Related: Halle Berry, good luck with your Oscar campaign.