Talk about a good marketing strategy. Just mere days after Taylor Momsen flashed her underage breasts at a crowd of presumably nonplussed onlookers, the actress returned to Gossip Girl last night. The grody hair extensions! The slumped shoulders! The sullen sourpuss! It was like the exiled Jenny Humphrey never left.
Of course, she did leave -- banished to Hudson to live with her mother after sleeping with Chuck and causing Blair to have a rage stroke at the end of last season. The still-naive Little J returned, however, to have meeting with Tim Gunn because her fashion line is just so good. Also, because Chuck set the entire thing up just to make Blair have another rage stroke. OK, the logic is admittedly flawed, but who cares!? Jenny's back! But did Gossip Girl bring her A-game of wit and wisdom to such a prestigious, pre-sweeps event? Let's find out.
"They say waking up is hard to do. Especially when you're not alone."
Isn't it "breaking up is hard to do"? Like the Neil Sedaka song? Oh, please: If Blair can make a Wait Until Dark reference to Serena, I can certainly drop some Neil Sedaka knowledge on you. Kudos, though, to Blair for saying Serena's morning after hair was "in missionary disarray."
Witty or wise: Witty
"They say life is full of surprises. That our dreams really can come true. Then again, so can our nightmares. Welcome home Jenny Humphrey, we missed you."
They say you probably used "they say" one too many times last night, Gossip Girl. Maybe she needs a copy editor. Still: Jenny's back?
Witty or wise: Wise
"Spotted: B's disciple's hot on Little J's tail. Watch out J, make a deal with the devil and there will be hell to pay."
My limited understanding of deals with the devil lead me to believe they work like so: You want something bad, you make a deal with the devil, you get what you want, but lose your soul. The devil is like Robin Williams in Aladdin, but worse. I bring this up because the devil, in Gossip Girl's scenario, is Blair -- but what deal did Jenny make with her? That she could stay in Manhattan for an entire day? Last time I checked, Blair wasn't a part of Homeland Security. (Apologies to Josh Schwartz if Blair ends up at Homeland Security in future episodes.)
Witty or wise: Wise
"Spotted: Little J having a fashion emergency. Looks like B drew blood."
Back-to-back with the spotted, huh? Gossip Girl said this just as it was revealed to a horrified Jenny and a even more horrified Tim Gunn that her five dresses spelled out "whore." Classy, Blair Minions. Meanwhile, knowing what we do about Tim Gunn's reactions to Taylor Momsen IRL (in real life, kiddies) made their scenes together all the more stilted and awkward -- quite a feat considering they were stilted and awkward to begin with. More acting lessons, less flashing, Little J.
Witty or wise: Wise
"Careful Little J: Queen Bee doesn't grant second chances; she attacks at first sight."
Again, what kind of power does Blair wield in this situation besides none? Bear in mind, Jenny always had the one thing over Blair that the "Queen Bee" never wanted known: That Little J slept with Chuck. I wonder if that will come into play...
Witty or wise: Wise
"Looks like New York's best kept secret is finally out. Turns out Little J didn't lose her v-card to Damian. She waited, and Chuck did away with her stepbrother. Guess that explains the Humphrey in Hudson. Hell hath no fury like a Waldorf scorned. Looks like the joke's on Chuck and Blair -- and Little J's got the last laugh."
Ding! Despite the protestations of Dan, good for Jenny for delivering a death blow to Blair and Chuck. It's not stooping to their level, it's winning. So, congrats. As for Gossip Girl, what is this voice over exactly? It just feels like a bunch of sentences tossed together like misbegotten refrigerator poetry. "Hell hath no fury like a Waldorf scorned." "Looks like the joke's on Chuck and Blair." "Little J got the last laugh." This is so stilted, Tim Gunn should have read it.
Witty or wise: Wise
"We hear Little J gave Chuck and Blair a goodbye kiss...of death."
Just so we're clear, Jenny did no such thing. She told Chuck and Blair that she was above them (she isn't), and then said that they should stop fighting because they used to be in love. If anything she gave them a goodbye kiss...of reality.
Witty or wise: Wise
"They say war is not an answer, but sometimes it's a battle just to keep the peace."
Again with the "they say"? Something tells me George W. Bush would like this sentiment.
Witty or wise: Wise
"On the Upper East Side, you may stand down but you can never give up, and the bitterest feuds are ones you can't let go. But our most dangerous enemies are the ones we never knew we had. So if you want peace, always prepare for war."
Let's table Blair, Jenny and Chuck for a moment and discuss the episode's real ridiculous plot twist: That Joan's rape-y husband from Mad Men is actually in cahoots with Juliet to ruin Serena's life. Whaaaaaaaat? No, I don't know either -- but it's a nice plot turn that I actually didn't see coming (though should have since, well, Mad Men). Of course, Juliet is having second thoughts because she loves Nate, and the entire thing will blow up in the next few weeks because Sam Page and Katie Cassidy are guest stars and not regulars, but hey: Enjoy the intrigue while you can.
Witty or wise: Wise
OVERALL: Ladies and gentleman, it was a blowout. Gossip Girl kept things functional during "Easy J," meaning the witty bons mots we've come to expect were replaced by perfunctory exposition and wisdom. Considering this was one of those classic, "moving pieces into place" episodes, that's fine. Let's just hope next week's sure-to-be gem remembers the wit.