At least no one wedged themselves into any windows in last night's new installment of Mike & Molly, "Carl Is Jealous," in which Mike's best friend became, uh, jealous of Mike's growing relationship with Molly. (Growing, get it? Haw!) If that complex title and plot summary isn't enough to persuade you to grab that extra seat belt extension and buckle up for this week's Fat Joke Tracker, please know that one of the obese main characters tumbled backwards down a flight of stairs after being hit over the head with a frying pan. Better?
When Molly promised Mike sex after one flatulence-filled night at the symphony and a successful double date, Mike (or Billy Gardell's extra-padded stuntman) sneaked into Molly's house and crept up the stairs...only to be hit over the head with a skillet by Molly's mother. Cut to Mike on a stretcher (No fat jokes from the paramedics?), Molly's sister walking in with the classic sitcom line, "What'd I miss?," laugh track and the end credits. But wait, stuff happened before that Emmy-ready sequence.
Namely, Mike and Carl celebrated their five year anniversary. Carl became envious that Mike had found love. To cheer Carl up, Mike set Carl up on a double date with Molly's pothead sister, who talked about how she loved "bald black men." And then Molly's sister went home with Michael Jordan. Carl admitted that he was jealous. Mike tried to get laid and got laid up on a stretcher instead. OK, you're caught up. Now for the fat jokes.
"I've been the one standing guard over your pie hole." -- Mike's best friend, taking credit for Mike's recent weight loss
"For [Mike], pea soup ain't nothing but a ham delivery system." -- Mike's best friend
"[Five years] is longer than any relationship I've ever had. Except maybe Colonel Sanders." -- Molly
"You slipped on the snow and almost flattened a small dog." -- Mike's best friend, remembering his first day on the job with Mike
"Tattoo it on your eating hand. That way you'll surely remember it." -- Mike's best friend, lamenting the fact that Mike doesn't remember their friendship anniversary
"You always gotta play the fat card." -- Mike
"I play the hand I'm dealt." -- Mike's best friend
"I just wanted one bowl." -- Mike
"You never had one bowl of anything in your life." -- Mike's best friend
"You spending the night, tons of fun?" -- Molly's mother, asking Mike about his plans for the night
"Me and three guys in lederhosen had to link arms and give him the Heimlich." -- Mike's best friend on last year's Octoberfest
"Doesn't matter. I'd chew through it." -- Mike, on how a locked door wouldn't stop him from getting into Molly's house