17 Amazing Things About The Amazing Race 17's Debut Episode

Last night's premiere of The Amazing Race 17 pitted together 11 teams who hopped from Boston to London in a brisk 90 minutes. But did the amazingness of their journey translate to our viewing experience? As Phil Keoghan would say, "Yes." Here are 17 favorite moments, observations, and facial explosions.

17.) For the first part of their journey, the 11 teams hop into SmartCars and drive them to a Boston airport. Because what better way to start this high-octane journey than driving around in a Chicken McNugget with wheels?

16.) The camera likes to linger on Phil Keoghan smiling. So do I.

15.) The "viral star" Kevin and his father Michael took years figure out that you're supposed to sit in the pod-shell boats and pull yourselves across the river. From what I could tell, they tried standing, jumping up and down, dancing, and laughing. Incorrect.

14.) Teammates Nick and Vicki have more tattoos than a crowded water park in Indiana. Vicki looks like an alternate-reality Kara DioGuardi who is excited to attend Woodstock '94.

13.) When the teams climb rope ladders to get into a castle, guards drench them with buckets of water. It looks like a kiddy attraction at a crowded water park in Indiana.

12.) Nice Renaissance Faire costumes, everyone in sight.

11.) Kevin repeatedly told his dad how "proud" of him he was. Hooray for phony-ass viral star sincerity. Them there YouTubers love it!

10.) Nick and Vicki couldn't find the flag they needed once they scaled the rope ladder. There was one flag in sight. That was the flag.

9.) One of the two losing teammates (spoiled later in this post) opined after the challenge, "I'm glad to help my friend achieve his dream." His dream of what? Losing? Wearing a black tanktop? Feeling so alone?

8.) Chad and Stephanie, an alpha couple who have bench-pressed each other, exchanged a cute bear hug after discovering they didn't come in last.

7.) Teammates Andie DeKroon and Jenna Sykes are biological mother and daughter who've only met three times before. Andie gave Jenna up for adoption some 21 years before. Andie also looks like Rachel Menken from Mad Men, and that's the most touching part here.

6.) At episode's start, the Ivy League-educated a capella duo of Connor and Jonathan sang a version of "Amazing Grace" called (wait for it) "Amazing Race." This is going to be an amazing race, guys. Especially when I kill them.

5.) A juggling jester hands off the final clue to the pit stop. Jesters, they were rightfully stoned to death once upon a time.

4.) Nat and Kat, two lady doctors who work together, hooked arms during the entirety of their confessionals. Playing doctor is right. Meow.

3.) Ron and Tony, who took the lead in the first few minutes while racing on foot, arrive last thanks to a heavily detoured road trip in London. To review: The best racers lost because they couldn't find how to get to the challenge. This makes me dislike Amazing Race a little bit, but at the same time -- those clods! Hilar.

2.) After Brook suffered a disastrous head injury and can't feel her face (see #1!!!), her unfeeling partner Claire told her she has to continue, noting, "That's why they call it 'the Amazing Race.'" Right. It's because your partner is callous and doesn't mind that your face exploded.

1.) A watermelon tried to decapitate a contestant. Watch it again, you bastards.