Note to future Video Music Award hosts: Television critics are generally not fans of herpes humor, pre-taped sketches parodying sexual harassment, overtly sexual come-ons, one-liners about accidental pregnancies, casual racism, or any kind of material about your promiscuity and/or alcoholism -- at least if you're a female comedian. Take Movieline's word for it, because Chelsea Handler learned the hard way. Read on for nine criticisms -- from fair to downright hateful -- of the first lady VMA host in sixteen years.
9 "Host Chelsea Handler gave the show its traditional bawdiness, though her jokes often fell flat." -- Nekesa Mumbi Moody, Associated Press
8. "...it felt a little like Host the VMAs Paint-by-Numbers -- Gaga's both the easiest and the lamest (not to mention the most willing) target around. [...] The obligatory Kanye nod -- calling him "the big black elephant in the room" -- was equally edgy-but-boring." -- Jennifer Armstrong, Entertainment Weekly
7. "It pains me to say it, but Chelsea Handler was in over her head with hosting duties. The stage was just too big for her and the audience too distant. She boringly oscillated between jokes about sleeping with rappers and jokes about partying hard, sometimes with a dash of absurdist bad behavior (like trying to steal Justin Bieber's 'wig')." -- Alan Sepinwall, HitFix.com
6. "'I want to encourage everyone to be on their worst behavior,' comedian Chelsea Handler declared in her opening monologue, a string of flat punch lines that felt a few degrees below crass. Sample zinger: 'It's time to acknowledge the big black elephant in the room. Where's Kanye?' Ugh." -- Chris Richards, Washington Post
5. "...most of her skits fell flat: She jumped in the hot tub with the Jersey Shore cast (heels and all) and exited with a tired joke in the form of a faux baby bump. She addressed last year's West-Swift debacle by warning off stage crashers with a stupid self-defense demonstration. [...] And she made an unfortunate joke about riding home on the face of the hot werewolf from True Blood." -- Rebecca Adler Warren, AOL TV
4. "Chelsea Handler never gave us a moment that seemed to veer from whatever was on the teleprompter. [...] Like the incredibly hammered aunt who hits on the clown at your daughter's fifth birthday party, Handler's main appeal these days increasingly seems to be her ability to make you feel considerably better about your own life choices." -- Mary Elizabeth Williams, Salon.com
3. "Humor was also much appreciated, given how intently host Chelsea Handler tried to murder comedy over the course of the broadcast." -- Brian Cantor, HeadlinePlanet.com
2. "And then there was the awkward plight of the night's host, Chelsea Handler. She was among the worst in the show's history -- purposefully out-of-touch, with brief, alarming flashes of off-color racial humor. On her talk show, Chelsea Lately, in a smaller setting, her interviews with musicians, rappers in particular, are consistently hilarious and inappropriate. Here, she never looked comfortable, undone by nerves, brittle material and the wattage of those around her." -- Jon Caramanica, New York Times
1. "In an act that could be construed as Monday morning torture, I've re-posted that almost unbearable awful Chelsea Handler open, in the off-chance someone might have missed and is wondering why everyone is standing around the watercooler - metaphoric or real - with a look of post-VMA nausea and disgust." -- Verne Gay, Newsday