The 17th edition of The Amazing Race is nearly upon us, and since the show finally lost the Reality Competition Series Emmy to Top Chef, I can feel good about liking it again. Let's break down the 11 competing teams, assign them unfair titles, and pick a possible winner.
Brook Roberts and Claire Champlin
Ages: 27, 30
Hometowns: San Diego; Reno, Nev.
Occupations: Home shopping hosts
Relationship: Home shopping hosts
Award: Most Inoffensive
Analysis: On-air personalities have a tendency to increase their diplomacy under duress, so this team could be benign. Someone call their toll free number and voice my disappointment.
Nick DeCarlo and Vicki Casciola
Ages: both 26
Hometown: Henderson, Nev.
Occupations: Bartender, hairstylist
Relationship: Dating
Award: Most Hotheaded
Analysis: "Nick and Vicki"! Can't you hear the dastardly tone in Phil Keoghan's finish line greeting as he greets the Italian duo? On the CBS website, Nick lists "buying my own Harley" as his favorite personal achievement. The matchup of bartender and hairstylist says "vitriol" to me.
Ron Kellum and Tony Stovall
Ages: 45, 42
Hometowns: Los Angeles; Tucson, Ariz.
Occupations: Director/choreographer, doctoral student
Relationship: Best friends
Award: Funniest Team
Analysis: I'm assuming you're a hilarious person if you write a book called The Gypsy's Survival Guide to Show-Business. Don't let me down, Ron.
Michael Wu and Kevin Wu
Ages: 58, 20
Hometown: Sugar Land, Texas
Occupations: Software engineer/content creator, Internet entertainer
Relationship: Father and son
Award: Most Confused by One Another
Analysis: Though Kevin includes his dad in his viral videos (which have over a million subscribers), he also "has trouble comprehending" him. Generation gaps! The Amazing Race touchstone.
Chad Waltrip and Stephanie Smith
Ages: 26, 23
Hometown: Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
Occupations: Operations manager, hairstylist
Relationship: Newly dating
Award: Most Likely to Win
Analysis: Chad is a self-starting and impassioned competitor. His girlfriend is a former swimmer who trained the Colorado Olympic Training Center. Together, they have the kind of focus to win reminiscent of season five's Colin and Christie -- even if Colin and Christie actually ended up getting second.
Nat Strand and Kat Chang
Ages: 31, 35
Hometowns: Scottsdale, Ariz.; Santa Monica, Calif.
Occupations: both doctors
Relationship: Friends
Award: Most Likable
Analysis: Not only are they both doctors (historically a likable occupation on The Amazing Race), but Nat says in her bio she'd trade places with either "the Dalai Lama or Heidi Klum." If you say things like that, you qualify to be liked. By me.
Gary Ervin and Mallory Ervin
Ages: 53, 24
Hometowns: Morganfield, Ky.; Lexington, Ky.
Occupations: Entrepreneur, Miss Kentucky 2009
Relationship: Father and daughter
Award: Most Irrepressibly Nice
Analysis: He's a hardworking dad. She's a kind beauty queen. They live on a farm. They get along.
Connor Diemand-Yauman and Jonathan Schwartz
Ages: both 22
Hometowns: Chesterland, Ohio; Cranford, N.J.
Occupations: Princeton students
Relationship: A cappella singers
Award: Most Freakishly Wholesome
Analysis: Though they're Princeton students, the entire notion of an "a cappella" group is so white bread and dimpled and gleeful that I can't but wonder if we will tire of them the minute they start singing "Sh-Boom" together on a ropes course.
Jill Haney and Thomas Wolfard
Ages: 27, 30
Hometown: Marina Del Rey, Calif.
Occupations: Hairstylist, ad sales director
Relationship: Dating
Award: Most Dumbest (if you will)
Analysis: Not only does Jill use words like "guidance" and "inspiration" in her profile, but her biggest life aspiration is to have "an Eat, Pray, Love experience."
Andie DeKroon and Jenna Sykes
Ages: 43, 21
Hometowns: Atlanta; Athens, Ga.
Occupations: Stay-at-home mom, University of Georgia student
Relationship: Birth mother and daughter
Award: Most Likely to Have a Relationship Breakthrough
Analysis: Though the two are blood-related, they've only recently made contact. In her bio, Andie doesn't list a pet peeve about her daughter because "I don't know her well enough to have a pet peeve yet!" Expect tears often.
Katie Seamon and Rachel Johnston
Ages: 23, 24
Hometowns: Rahway, N.J.; Moorestown, N.J.
Occupations: Beach volleyball players
Relationship: Beach volleyball partners
Award: Most Militant
Analysis: There is a certain CLAP-YEAH-GOOD-ONE-GIRL-GET-'EM quality to beach volleyball players. They're supportive of each another, but they also have a fire in their ankles that is -- well, frightening. And by "frightening," I mean "good television."
'Amazing Race' Bios [CBS]
'Amazing Race' Team Descriptions [Zap2It]