Today's challenge: Design a dress inspired by one of Philip Treacy's exquisite chapeaus. There's some serious Seussical couture going on here -- pointy parabolic spiral hats, mask hats, a large piece of headgear shaped like an orchid, etc. It's true faboo. AJ will have to hold off on his low-rent Fruit Roll-Up bras this episode.
After each designer chooses a model and an accompanying hat, Kristin, who had her first moment of memorable screen presence last episode when she bought "wooly balls" from a party store and Tim Gunn started hitting on them, complains about the challenge. "It's so literal. I don't do literal," she claims. She's stuck with the orchid hat, and she doesn't want to turn her model into a full-bodied orchid -- even though that worked for Daniel Vosovic in season two. Kristin, stop being really dumb.
The remainder of the episode gives each of the designers time to spew insults about each other and themselves. Look!
Ivy: "Casanova is kind of being a diva. But that's expected coming from a queen!"
Oh, Ivy. You've met three gay people in your life, maybe. The one you saw on Elimidate does not count.
Michael Drummond: "Michael C. didn't bring a ruler. There are many ways to skin a cat, but you should probably bring a knife."
Who is Michael Drummond? Does he always say funny things? Project Runway, notice this person more.
Michael Costello: "I'm telling myself I love [my dress] when I really don't. My dress sucks at this point."
The chatty Michael Costello is acting overwrought about his design, convulsing in agony like a kindergartener who biffs on a blacktop. This can only mean one thing: He pulls out a beloved design later on. Count on it, ladies!
Gretchen: "April's work is too costumey, she's probably going to go home soon."
Gretchen has some opinions for a change, and today the two-time champ has zeroed in on depressed April. Here's what Gretchen doesn't know: She's setting herself up for a second-place finish at Bryant Park. The villains almost never win, sweetheart. You could've learned that from, God, I guess anything.
Casanova: "I'm not like a cat with seven life."
Is Casanova ESL or is he just... speaking in Gwendolyn Brooks verses? Don't bet the house on either.
Onto the runway! Heidi appears from behind the scrim with a Philip Treacy rose hat on her head, and the producers pipe in "Kiss From a Rose" on a jank sound system. Painfully weird. She didn't even start her runway speech with, "We're never going to survive season eight unless we get a little crazy!" Not even that.
After the runway show, beleaguered Kristin, April, and HOT HOT HOT Christopher fall into the bottom three. Michael Costello's "sucky" dress is numbered among the top choices (Shocker! On Shock Street!) alongside Valerie and Michael Drummond. Get this: Michael Costello wins. The other designers are so outraged that they forget to care when Kristin Simms is sent home, right past Tim Gunn and into the wilderness. As Simms just told us in an interview this morning, hostility is growing among the competitors. Wahoo, I say! I defy them to throw their bitchy, overgrown hats in the ring.