Ever since the first iteration of Big Brother's "voyeuristic experiment" (a phrase that U.S. host Julie Chen still uses excitedly), the series has proved itself to be a fertile breeding ground for showmances, the sexual relationships that form when a contestant finds him or herself remotely attracted to another houseguest. Some showmances are sweet and innocent (Jeff and Jordan of Season 11) and some are nauseating (Brendon and Rachel of Season 12) but while both kinds inevitably lead to intimate under-the-cover moments, our edition of Big Brother tends to edit semi-tastefully around them.
Still, there is another kind of intimate moment that Big Brother producers have no such qualms about, and it's the only kind of showmance you can have with yourself: show-sturbation (me-mance?). While it's surely happened in the American BB house before (remember the infamous "Jack Shack"?), it's usually out of camera sight, so to many live feed viewers and Internet users yesterday, the footage of affable oil rig salesman Lane taking care of his business in the shower may have seemed like a startling trespass, even for a show that takes pride in stripping its contestants of all privacy.
Still, at least it could be worse: For all the indignity suffered by Lane yesterday, America still has a ways to go before it can compete with the way foreign Big Brother producers embarrass their self-pleasuring contestants. Sure, American producers may have zoomed in for an extreme-close up of Lane's "O-face," but if you want to see how a U.K. production team would have handled it, do a YouTube search for "Kinga and Wine Bottle." Or, if you're in the mood to be really disgusted by the invasion of a houseguest's privacy, click here (but only at your own risk).
Though we're all the victims of this incident, at least take a moment to remember George Orwell, who certainly could not have imagined while penning his dystopian classic Nineteen Eighty-Four that it would one day provide inspiration for a television series that showcases contestants jerking off in a cardboard box. No doubt Orwell is rolling in his grave right now -- mainly, because he is frightened that reality show participants might use it to masturbate in.