"Thrusty!" It's a word I say starting today. Anyway: Final performance show! Three dancers... nay, three qualified dancers remain. Will the title of "America's Favorite Survivor of Underwhelming Bollywood Routines" go to Kent, Lauren, or Robert? Let's analyze the big three and see if we can predict tonight's cha-cha champion.
But first, an overarching complaint: With only a few exceptions, what a bunch of limp and literal choreography for a finale. I'd have rather watched these guys do less dances if it meant they could spend more time on longer, better works instead of routines about "geeks," "pundits," and "electrified Devo zealots." But So You Think You Can Dance has long embraced hokum as much as it does the good stuff. I begrudgingly accept.
Kent: That criticism doesn't apply to the actual performers, however. Kent worked his ass off yesterday, and we saw him overheat and slow down near the end of that Herculean night of lifts, lunges, and Commedia dell'Arte ebullience. He started things off with a happy-slappy Bollywood routine where the facial gymnastics alone warranted a water break, moved into a "geek" routine alongside Lauren (which sucked), and executed a pitch-perfect number about abusive relationships with the fire of someone twice his... maturity level? (Most importantly, he deep-sixed the "hungry jazz face" for a minute or so, and I've been waiting for that evolution since June.) Finally, he paired with Robert for a Guys and Dolls-esque battle of poses and crapshooter struts. It looked like background dancers from "Vogue" squaring off to win one last closeup with Madonna. Robert won that battle, but Kent proved himself a versatile, strong, and occasionally subtle dancer. A cool and necessary night for the Gyrating Toddler Prince.
Lauren: Let's talk about that "presidential candidates" routine with Twitch. The old-timey hats? The patriotic stripes? The podiums? It looked like a song-and-dance sequence from Animaniacs, or a seltzer fight between vaudeville performers who weren't competing for $250,000. Lauren may have been precise and unassailable herself, but she was performing an eminently assailable number. Afterwards, that geek routine with Kent did nothing to vault her into America's hearts, but then we were treated to a contemporary duet with Robert that completely blew away the night's other offerings. With the aid of a pillow between them, or over them, or under them, Robert and Lauren matched the elegance of Alex Wong's first-week contemporary number. So spot-on, both emotionally and physically. I know that sounds like an effusive Mia Michaels giggle attack, but it's warranted. Her ballroom routine with Pasha -- aided by the underrated Christina Aguilera non-hit "Not Myself Tonight" -- ranked among the season's fieriest. Though Kent's turn with solemn emotionality may win over more voters, Lauren is just as qualified for the win. And I still believe she might get it!
Robert: Robert is a dark horse who matters. I can't imagine he outscored Kent or Lauren, but he still delivered to that extent that a Kris Allen-style underdog win may be in the cards for him. Like his competitors, he started with a flat routine set to pedestrian music: There is only way you can dance to "Whip It," and it's like you're an electrified marionette. Mission accomplished, choreographer Tyce Diorio. Still, Robert's brawny yet tender strides with Lauren in the pillow-love scene (that sounds bad) was second-to-none, and his closing gambit with Kent for Madonna's attention teemed with luscious grandiosity. His jailbird routine staged to "Cool" from West Side Story was another hip and libidinous highlight (I know there have been a few of them), but it proved something that may help Robert in the votes: He had the best choreography to work with all night. Could this be his time to shine? Stranger things have happened -- like Kent's new-found cry face. That is stranger than Robert's chance at a victory, fer sure.
But quickly: Did it not pain you a bit when Robert confessed to Cat Deeley: "I just made a goal to get to the finale," like that was a modest undertaking? All right, he's phony. But it was a subtle enough infraction that I don't think the texting digits of America will slow.