Warehouse 13's Relic Roundup: Pete Hallucinates, Annoys Everyone

There was a lot to be learned from last night's Pete-centric, Inception-tinged Warehouse 13. First, that our Agent Lattimer (Eddie McClintock) can goof around with devastatingly dangerous artifacts all he wants, but he should really keep the impassioned threats against Mark Sheppard to a minimum. Because it's embarrassing. Second, Mark Sheppard -- no matter what minuscule genre role he's filling -- will always seem like he's up to no good. And third, I finally realized I really can't stand Pete. What artifacts crossed his destructive path of overwrought tomfoolery? Read on for the roundup.

Artifact: Earthquake-inducing Walking Stick

Specifications: Tap the ground with this stick and an earthquake will ripple out from the point of impact. Like in Lord of the Rings (except it has nothing to do with Tolkien). Pete spends the episode trying to track this artifact down so he can prove that Mark Sheppard's character, Valda, is secretly no good and has caused a breach in the warehouse and is endangering everyone! It's too bad he only thinks that because he's under the spell of the Hallucination-inducing Telegraph (see below)!

Covetability: Medium-low. Once you get one "You shall not pass!" out, the thing's pretty much worthless.

Artifact: Hallucination-inducing Telegraph

Specifications: Tinker with this telegraph for a few minutes and its reverberating clicks will drive you insane! The man-child Pete finds it in a British history museum and spends the episode unraveling a paranoia-driven conspiracy. The episode culminates with the aforementioned (and hopefully not to be repeated) impassioned threats before Artie kicks him awake Inception-style. I say that because otherwise I'd have to discern Artie's not-meant-to-be-discerned lines about how he snapped Pete out of it. (I hate it when they do that, don't you?)

Covetability: Very, very low.

Artifact: Mark Sheppard (Valda)

Specifications: Firefly, The X-Files, Battlestar Galactica ... If it's a genre show with a devout cult-following, it seems like it's a rule that Mark Sheppard has to be on it. The man has become a trope.

Covetability: Medium-high. Enough time has passed since Romo Lampkin's dead cat on Battlestar Galactica. BUT ONLY JUST.

Artifact: Twizzlers

Specifications: Twizzlers are the new sunflower seeds. Get it? Because, Mulder eats sunflower seeds? And Myka eats Twizzlers?

Covetability: N/A

Was I alone? Or is Pete annoying the hell out of anyone else?