Can You Find Katie Holmes in the New Don't Be Afraid of the Dark Trailer?

Incoming, and BOOM: The new teaser trailer for the remake of Don't Be Afraid of the Dark will make a big, scary crater in the landscape of your sluggish Tuesday morning. In fact, it should probably be more like, Don't Be Afraid of Spilling Your Coffee When You Jump In the Dark That's Not Really Dark Because It's Pushing 10 A.M. But Still. I have no idea what else to say about -- whoa, was that Katie Holmes?

Yes, as a matter of fact it was Katie Holmes -- and Guy Pearce, I'll be damned -- playing the resident of a big house that looks like its about to be foreclosed on by Satan. And as it always goes in these situations, the kids get the worst of it: The couple's young daughter can't seem to shake the legion of gray, dusty troll thingies roiling in the basement and migrating [SPOILER ALERT] up to the seemingly infinite sprawl of her bed. Any resemblance to Suri Cruises living or dead is purely coincidental. (No, really, she looks uncannily like Suri Cruise.)

Dark is one of the titles left in the lurch by the implosion and subsequent offloading of Miramax, and it's presented here as a fragmented bit of gothic lite: Old-fashioned, spooky-voice lead-in woven into a quick-cut, overemphatic "Be scared!" whirlwind. Best part: that huge "A GUILLERMO DEL TORO PRODUCTION" card at the end. Such a Shyamalan move, seriously. Anyway, it's fine. Could maybe use more piranha, but it'll do.

VERDICT: Sold-ish.