Jersey Shore [MTV, 10 PM]
The outrageous octet ventures to Miami for a season of fist pumps so intense that they that interfere with the weather. Every week, we'll assign points to the best Guidos, and total them up at season's end to declare a winner. Let's take bets now. Here's mine: This has got to come down to a Situation v. JWOWW duel.
Project Runway [Lifetime, 9 PM]
Seventeen designers enter and only wins. Considering the past seven seasons of winners, this year's champion has no choice but to be a black woman. I'm looking at you, Kristin! Also new this year: Every episode is 90 minutes -- and Models of the Runway has been canceled in favor of On the Road with Austin & Santino.
So You Think You Can Dance [Fox, 9 PM]
Two dancers in the final six are eliminated. It's gotta be AdeChike and Jose, right? They wouldn't kick out my boyfriend Billy, my newly ordained homegirl Lauren, my annoying, symmetrical frenemy Robert, or showstopping toddler Kent. Here's hoping Nigel pretends it was a hard decision.
Jennifer's Body [Cinemax, 10 PM]
This underrated horror-comedy from the mind of talk-show- and baby-maker Diablo Cody mixes Amanda Seyfried's meek subservience and Megan Fox's sultry brass to create something... well, kinda topical. And cannibalistic. Look out for Amy Sedaris as Seyfried's mom.