Project Runway returns tonight. You may know that Movieline's coverage of Project Runway is flawless and Homerian and an overwrought great time, right? We start again today. Let's judge the 17 newbies.
A.J.
Pro: Daniel Vosovic redux! Swoopy hair is often the mark of a Runway champ.
Con: Puts cupcakes and horse figurines on his designs. This isn't Project Katy Perry.
Andy
Pro: Seems agreeable!
Con: Let's not pretend we like agreeable people on this show.
April
Pro: Digs that deconstructed, pseudo-Lady Gaga aesthetic. Runway loves feeling current.
Con: We don't need another color-deprived season six.
Casanova
Pro: If you're named Casanova, you must be compulsively watchable. Or diagnosable. I like both.
Con: Mind you, I also once thought the same about "Suede" (season five).
Christopher
Pro: "Understands a woman's body." He does fit well.
Con: During his audition, he wore a collared shirt with a big emblazoned design on the shoulder. I found it upsetting.
Ivy
Pro: Hawaiian!
Con: Ho-hum?
Jason
Pro: Mawm! It's a het-urr-a-seck-shoo-uhl!
Con: Could be the biggest slimeball since season three's Vincent Libretti. Seems too OK with living in his parent's basement. Also, he designs mens pants with penis-shaped appendages on the outside. S.O.S.
McKell
Pro: Print-friendly!
Con: She's into capes. Guess what I'm not into.
Gretchen
Pro: Airy, feminine clothing. Perfect for an Amanda Seyfried Vanity Fair spread.
Con: Zzzz.
Michael C.
Pro: Very self-deprecating. In his audition video, he points out his favorite chair and says, "I look skinny in this chair."
Con: Couldn't be nicer. The greatest sin of all.
Michael D.
Pro: Openly hopes to be a tacky designer. Wants to design for Bjork.
Con: But again, is he too nice? I need my designers to openly hate others too.
Nicholas
Pro: He's funny!
Con: He's frosty-tipped!
Kristin
Pro: Clothes exemplify that street-savvy fabulousness I associate with season five's Terri. In fact, she kind of looks like Terri.
Con: Gives us plenty of hoods that turn into neckerchiefs and fannypacks and stuff. A little pedestrian in its ludicrousness.
Sarah
Pro: Made an adorable "kitty dress" with an insane kitty print.
Con: Look at her audition video. The judges called her work ugly, yet she's on the show. Dubious casting, thy name is Bunim-Murray Productions.
Valerie
Pro: Loves Leanne Marshall, and you can see it in her designs
Con: But is she exciting enough on camera? Sigh.
Mondo
Pro: Wears knee socks and little shorts!
Con: Wears knee socks and little shorts. (I'll be over it by episode three.)
Peach
Pro: Shares a name with a Mariokart 64 character.
Con: Pretty much everything else. As my dear friend Jessica noted, her designs look like they were rendered by "a second grader who doesn't understand that grownups have boobs."