Last night, CBS staged a mock execution for six of its Big Brother houseguests. The network locked the reality contestants into cardboard guillotines under the hot afternoon sun, whacked each of them in the face with plastic dollar bills for an hour and then waited for one to die in response to this repulsive reality experiment.
Most Terrible Words Spoken on Camera: "Every time she wears a skirt, I feel like STD's go airborne." (referring to Rachel)
Repulsiveness Profile: She may say nasty things about her cocktail waitress houseguests and she may update America every time her menstrual cycle is making her especially teary, but Britney is still the go-to-girl for soundbites. Still, her STD remark puts her on this week's index.
Most Terrible Words Spoken on Camera: "Shhh, everything will be fine." (as he mounts a cast member)
Repulsiveness Profile: I've had my suspicions about Brendon, a seemingly with-it swim coach/chemistry grad student with movie star looks, from the beginning. There was something behind his "Shh, take this roofie and smile" eyes, and now I'm realizing what it is: He is using his good looks and date-rapist charm to weasel his way into the heart of one of the most likable and unintelligent cast members in the house. When she wants to talk strategy, he tells her to be quiet and kiss him. When it comes time to put houseguests on the block, he whispers names into her ear. Danger, houseguests! There may be another saboteur in the house.
Most Terrible Words Spoken on Camera: "The disease I gave my wife is called meloriatosis. It's something I heard about on a health television show."
Repulsiveness Profile: After laying low for two full weeks of competition, the Illinois web designer told houseguests that his wife is suffering a rare disease that will cause her to either lose her leg or stop walking altogether unless he can pull together the money for surgery. The self-proclaimed "diabolical super genius" later told cameras that he would donate some of his winnings to charity to make up for this repulsive lie karma-wise, but something tells me that giving your new bride a serious bone condition on national television for sympathy votes will lead to much misfortune -- or at least legal fees -- down the road.