Who else started off last night's So You Think You Can Dance by asking everyone in the living room, "So, who's getting injured tonight?" Did you all laugh? A lot? And did the laughter turn into abject paranoia when Billy Bell revealed that he injured his knee? You wished it true, you bastards.
Sweet God, why is this season cursed? After Alex's Achilles tendon injury, Ashley's bruised rib, and now Billy's tricky knee, this year is doomed. While it appears that Billy may be well enough to perform in the bottom three tomorrow, we still have a quintet of competitors to analyze -- and that includes their alibis, because one of these jackasses is bumping off the other contestants Agatha Christie-style.
· Lauren's hip-hop routine with Twitch was the first and best performance of the evening, an athletic and playful exhibition for her truly chameleon abilities. I have to reference a quote I once read SNL alum Laraine Newman say regarding the ability to play a bunch of characters: The audience connects to you less if you restlessly move from character to character. In SNL speak, Lauren is a character-embodying, quietly impressive Laraine Newman compared to Kent and Jose, who are rambunctious but instantly recognizable players like John Belushi and Bill Murray. Lauren's shapeshifting may make her impressive, but she's also the least identifiable.
· Jose. His cutesy breakup routine with Allison was neither demanding or -- really -- all that special, but he got a chance to give us that ho-hum, ever-smiley resilience we've come to relish in him. I'd be surprised if he didn't land in the bottom three considering the dull response to his matador routine with Adechike later in the show. You know it's his time.
· Robert's shredded shirt and own version of "the hungry jazz face" (copyright Kent) made his salacious routine seem like a sequence from a Janet Jackson video circa "Throb." He's still riding the wave of support that vaulted him out of continuous bottom three status, and I imagine he'll survive again this week.
· Kent went for "shimmery!" again last night with the help of Janelle Monae's upcoming pop anthem "Tightrope." He's all but ignored the judges' request to channel different personalities when he performs, but of course, that's why he's this cast's John Belushi. He's going to shoot potatoes out of his mouth, harrumph with a samurai sword, and explode onstage with that Kent gusto because it's what's getting him votes. And suddenly, he's "the one to beat," according to the judges. You thinking what I'm thinking? Perhaps he Gillooly-ed the hell out of Alex, Ashley, and Billy? But if he's Tonya Harding in this beatdown scenario, I still think Billy Bell (if he's not too injured) will emerge as the triumphant Oksana Baiul.
· In both of his partner routines, Adechike was the less watchable performer. Alongside Comfort, he shrank into the backlighting, and alongside Jose, his matador shtick looked like a real death in the afternoon. Hemingway, b*tches! Anyway. Bottom three fer sure.