On last night's Real Housewives of New Jersey, Danielle Staub took a cue from the Oscar-winning film Million Dollar Baby and jumped into the boxing ring. An aspiring fighter ever since a teenager ripped the weave out of her head on last week's episode, Danielle trained two hours with Danny, the homophobic Clint Eastwood to her ghoulish Hilary Swank, hoping that somehow, they could both atone for their criminal pasts.
Danielle may not have had much skill but she did deliver one knockout threat pulled from the film on which her episode was based: "It only takes one good smack to the head to make a person never walk again." Shudder. Now, onto the most real and most fake moments that occurred outside of the ring.
REAL: Black Belt Joe Encourages Violence, Bribes and Tough Love
While Danielle underwent training to paralyze another cast member from the neck down, Teresa's husband took their three eldest girls to a family Tae Kwon Do center and encouraged his offspring to battle it out like the sons he would never have. As Gia, Milania, and Gabriella whined, Joe tried to teach his girls the ways of the Korean martial art: "Yous should always bow when you walk in the door." When one, curly-haired girl whined about being hungry, Joe bribed his daughter: "If you beat her up, I'm going to buy yous nice hot dogs!" Finally, as the older two piled onto the youngest, Joe cheered from the pink mat: "Get her, Milania! Punch her, Gabriella. Come on. Get in there! That's s'aright."
FAKE: Danielle Was Actually Concerned For the Well-Being of the Girl Who Ripped Her Weave
Before filing a lawsuit against Ashley, Danielle's mortal enemy on the Real Housewives of New Jersey this season, the housewife called a summit with her ex-con friends to explain that this was not what she wanted because once, a long time ago, she and the 18-year-old had been friends. "What troubles me most about Ashley is that there was a point in time where she called me, not her family. <span
class="pullquote right">I helped her with every single solitary part of her day, right down to, 'Can I use your tanning room?' And now has pulled hair from my head, held it up in the air and bragged about it? It troubles me." Had Danielle truly been concerned for Ashley's well-being, she probably wouldn't have shrieked "Arrest her!" at the top of her lungs during last week's episode after speed-dialing the police.