This week on The Bachelorette, Ali had the audacity to expect that her three remaining paramours wouldn't ditch her for ex-girlfriends. What a shame for her. Frank packed up his frozen stare and marched back to his favorite mistake Nicole, but where does that leave Ali? Alone with her BFFNs (Best Friends For Now) at Movieline who know which of the two bachelors she should pick for her big pink televised wedding.
2. Roberto: Ali keeps giving us the impression that Roberto might be too perfect, but she's not getting the point: He's, uh, boring. He's generic. He's barely a proper noun. When he claimed this episode that he was starting to fall in love with Ali, I had trouble believing a word of it, and not just because all Bachelor studs are probably exactly like twitchy warlord Jake Pavelka. Roberto is, as I've said a few times now, the Tenley of this season: He's only fine, and everything is wrong with that. Roberto's unobjectionable in broad strokes, but he amounts to a beige pile of bionic brawn.
1. Chris L.: Naturally I don't love Chris L. either, but I'm a middle child who thinks you have to sparkle like a vaudeville star to be special: Chris L. doesn't sparkle, but he sizzles about twice an episode, and I'll settle for that. (I always do!) He was clearly proud of having made it to Tahiti, and I chuckled in approval when he said, "Whenever the two of us are together, I feel 12." Trite, yes, but can you even expect a level of candor from Roberto? I think not. By the end of the episode, when he was suggesting places to live and practically monologuing his desire ("God I love you"), I was sold. He's the only choice. Until he decides he likes his ex-girlfriend better.