This season, Movieline is joining in the Big Brother fun by ranking the most vile houseguests after each degrading episode. Baruch haba!
First Words Spoken on Camera: "I love Jersey. I love meatballs. I love my mama."
Repulsiveness Profile: Who cares about a household mole when CBS ripped a page right out of MTV's handbook by casting Enzo, an Italian guy from New Jersey who says things like "bada bing" when ogling a hot house guest and "take care o' business" when talking about the female sheriff contestant who he might have to bind, gag, and shove into the trunk of his car if she "gets difficult." Regardless of that last threat, the 32-year-old insurance adjuster could still grow on viewers at home if he keeps raving about his mama's cooking.
First Words on Camera:"I really hope that the other houseguests are up to my standards. I don't really want to be around anyone who is gross or just plain up nasty."
Repulsiveness Profile: As Big Brother 101 dictates, each houseguest is always introduced in an environment that defines him or her as a normal person. So the swim coach was introduced while freestyling through a pool in a tiny Speedo that showcased his bronzed six-pack abs, the Jewish Orthodox podiatrist was introduced in his office while examining someone's gnarly foot before donning a bekishe for effect, and Monet, a model from Illinois, was introduced in a boutique clothing store, sifting through flow-y tops for something "up to her standards." Once in the house, Monet kept to herself, but her first words on camera were enough to keep me cringing through the entire episode.
First Words Spoken on Camera: "I'm a successful podiatrist and I'm a practicing modern Orthodox Jew. If it affects my game plan, I don't care."
Repulsiveness Profile: This Miami Beach podiatrist lied to houseguests, telling them that he's a day trader who lost his job and currently works as a shoe salesman. A clever plan for the single father, who has already declared that he will not ease up on his faith for his game and will continue to observe Shabbat in the house. Andrew earned most of his repulsion points this week by watching passively (in a hot dog costume, no less) as a houseguest slipped off a zip line hot dog into a pit of gravel injuring her foot. Andrew could have earned brownie points for even acting concerned, but thought it best to play it cool so that the other contestants wouldn't learn his occupational secret.
First Words Spoken on Camera: "Most people think I'm just a hot girl with big boobs. But actually, I'm a chemist."
Repulsiveness Profile: In addition to having a laugh like a chainsaw, Rachel is the kind of girl who enjoys talking about her hotness and boasting that she uses her allure to get men to buy her champagne. Even though she calls herself a chemist, the CBS website notes that she moonlights as a VIP cocktail waitress. There will be no peace for houseguests and viewers at home until Rachel and her laugh are gone.
First Words Spoken on Camera: "I am a genius."
Repulsiveness Profile: Mensa Matt found a way to bring up the fact that he is a genius no less than five times in last night's episode. "I'm a genius," "I'm a member of Mensa," and "I have an I.Q. that is in the top 2% of the world," were common choruses from 32-year-old web designer whose complete lack of charm and rusty social skills ensure that he will be this season's Ronnie. Now, if only he can stay away from the Star Wars references...