Movieline knows that summer 2010 isn't a wellspring of brilliant cinema, and you and your airbent tolerance likely agree. However, there's potential for great movies right in front of us in the form of recent music videos that feature threads of narrative begging for full-length adaptation. Join us as we take five du jour pop smashes and pitch 90-minute versions that could thrill us at the multiplex.
1. Katy Perry, "California Gurls"
Synopsis: A saucy confectioner (Zooey Deschanel) finds herself on the verge of a sexual awakening -- her humdrum world of Daisy Dukes and bikini tops transforms into a technicolor Shangri-La each time she tongues a licorice rope, oversize butterscotch, or lady. She and her pastry chef best friend Clarita (Rossy de Palma) conspire to flee Katy's mother's (Carmen Maura) strict religious household and start anew in a place where "fun, fresh, fierce" women can keep their passions for sensual exploration "on lock."
Director: Pedro Almodóvar
Cameo: Snoop Dogg as a Spanish doctor who diagnoses Clarita with "an insatiable sweet tooth" and Hepatitis C.
2. Miley Cyrus, "Can't Be Tamed"
Synopsis: In a danceable update on Gabriel García Márquez's "A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings," the last member of a forgotten bird-teen species (Miley Cyrus) is discovered on the property of a sage farmer (James Cromwell). Sensing the opportunity for fame at the town crossroads, the farmer makes the difficult decision to use the bird-teen as a tented freakshow. He soon coins the slogan, "Beauty can be tamed!" Except not so fast, farmer: This bird-teen is one metaphor for dehumanization that knows how to juke. Once our feathered friend perfects the Harlem Shake, the farmer starts to fear its hip-bumping self-actualization and shoos her off the premises with a broom.
Director: Alfonso Cuarón
Cameo: Gael Garcia Bernal as the concerned townsperson who believes this bird-teen is destined for parties way out in the USA.
3. La Roux, "Bulletproof"
Synopsis: A transgressive woman named Lara with light eyebrows (Tilda Swinton) cannot bear to forget her beloved 1980s -- so she decides to live in them... for eternity. After building a dove-gray enclosure around her San Jose estate and adorning herself in zebra-print blazers and Rubik's Cube trinkets, she realizes what she really misses most is her long-dead father Marvin (Thomas Dolby, in flashbacks), who perished at a Kajagoogoo concert.
Director: John Landis
Cameo: Colin Firth as Lara's affectionate mailman who might have the Etch-a-Sketch skills to woo her out of the house.
4. Eminem, "Not Afraid"
Synopsis: A fading rap star (Jeremy Piven) tries roaming the street of his beloved metropolis in an attempt to rescue the muse. Instead he finds hateful faces staring back, a percussion band that won't let him beatbox, and too many mirrored surfaces.
Director: Terence Howard
Cameo: Moby, as a glowering mirror reflection
5. Ke$ha, "Your Love is My Drug"
Synopsis: A girl (Evan Rachel Wood) goes to Burning Man and drinks too much Red Bull.
Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Cameo: Holly Hunter as an unamused equestrian who has to ask the girl to stop drawing on her horse with sidewalk chalk