There was a time when the Real Housewives of New Jersey was fun to watch -- and that time has long since passed. Viewers are now stuck with a cast of four (you're better off, Dina) quibbling housewives playing tug of war with the cameras as they fight to show off every gory detail of their breast augmentations, gratuitous shopping trips and their descents into stage-motherhood. Last night's installment was no different. Danielle recovered from her latest surgery and discovered new battle tactics courtesy of Paris Hilton. Meanwhile, Jacqueline and Teresa splurged on a shopping spree that caused PETA members worldwide to weep. And somewhere, Caroline Manzo cried about the loneliness of fame, or something. Instead of reconsuming the fattening filler, join Movieline after the jump to get the heartiest moments -- both real and fake -- from last night's episode.
REAL: Paris Hilton Really Did Teach Danielle How to Diss People Via the "Cold Call"
Last night Danielle spent five minutes on camera describing how Paris Hilton taught her how to fake a phone call. It was a savage war tactic that Danielle supported and later employed at a country club fashion show when she, annoyed by a disloyal friend, decided to use the "cold call."
As New Jersey models paraded onstage in front of her, Danielle whispered into her microphone, "I'm going to fake a phone call!" and then spent 10 minutes or so nodding solemnly into her cell as everyone around her -- did not notice. Kim G. tried to tell Danielle that the "fake call" was a childish ploy to use during a social event but Danielle deserves some credit: she did not gab into the phone nonstop annoying those around her -- she just listened to the imaginary speaker as cameras taped every second of this worthless event in American history.
Later, Danielle declared triumphantly that the move had "really pissed people off."
FAKE: Teresa "Just Wanted to Say Hi to Danielle"
Ever since the end of May, Bravo has been stringing Real Housewives of New Jersey viewers along each week with promises of a country club showdown so dramatic that cops were called, handbags were thrown, guns were pulled and tears were cried. And during last night's episode, Bravo finally treated viewers to the inciting incident of this season's confrontation centerpiece -- and it seemed just as scripted as you would have imagined.
Sworn enemies Danielle and Teresa, who famously last clashed during the table-throwing incident of 2009, stayed far away from each other during last night's country club runway event, until Teresa, feeling suddenly "soft" decided to wait for Danielle outside of the ladies' room. "It was an innocent gesture!" Teresa told cameras afterward via confessional. "I just wanted to say hi!"
That could not have been farther from the truth, and Bravo could have at least strove for consistency by not using all of those sound bites where Teresa declared that she would avoid Danielle at all possible costs.