And you thought Google Street View was only good for stalking exes and getting mental images of the places you'll soon be lost in while following Google Map directions. Case in point: Horse-Boy, the mysterious figure who popped up on a Google street view of a neighborhood in Aberdeen, Scotland. The boy -- or girl, dum, dum, dum -- is seen wearing black pants, a purple long-sleeve shirt...and a horse mask. Because, of course that's appropriate attire for a street corner in broad daylight. The Internet is awash in conspiracies and false identifications, but Movieline only cares about one thing: Turning this crazy meme into a movie! After the jump, five possible treatments. You're welcome, Hollywood.
· The Musical
Glee star Mark Salling (Puck for those who don't bother with real names) plays a guy from the wrong side of the tracks who teaches Aberdeen high schoolers about living in the moment -- and wearing horse masks. Ryan Murphy directs, obvs.
· The Horror Film
This kinda writes itself -- unless, of course, you didn't get the willies while looking at the still photo of Horse-Boy. He's like Michael Myers or Freddy Krueger -- but with tortured back story that includes teasing, possible child abuse and all-around meanness. Grab Rob Zombie to direct and cast Taylor Momsen as the scared girl with running black eyeliner.
· The Political Allegory Film
Think: V for Vendetta. Horse-Boy (Jake Gyllenhaal) becomes a symbol for political oppression the world over -- oppression from a corrupt oil company, perhaps, to keep things timely. He's killed -- spoiler! -- but the film ends with thousands of unhappy citizens donning the Horse-Boy mask, proving hope springs eternal.
· The "Gasper Noé S&M Sexual Torture" Film
If you didn't think "horror film" when you saw that mask, then you probably thought "sexual fetish." That's where Gasper Noé comes in! Picture Irreversible mixed with Hostel II and you'll have a good idea where this film is going. Lindsay Lohan stars.
· The "Fractured from Reality to Overcome Grief" Film
Like Lars and the Real Girl -- or perhaps The Beaver -- Horse-Boy is really a man... a man so fed up with the failures in life that he hides behind a horse mask and interacts with friends and family. Mickey Rourke stars, with help from Virgina Madsen as the hooker with a heart of gold and Brian Cox as his alcoholic father.