Ten dancers, ten routines, ten chances to make Adam Shankman call you "buddy" and weep into his vest. Did the remaining 10 contestants of So You Think You Can Dance conquer the challenge of this week's strange genres? Were Bollywood, krump, and Broadway styles adequately represented, or did they ruin those forever? Honestly, it was close. Join us for appraisals of last night's ten performances.
· Cristina's Paso Doble was a swirly mix of leaps, twists, and mid-air turnarounds. It was dizzier than a Hype Williams remake of Vertigo! But I disagreed with the judges when it came to her rhythm, which seemed off until the second half of the performance. Also, she was dressed in melted poofs of Easter colors. Bottom three, here she comes.
· After Adéchiké's ridiculous "office sex" routine last week, a change was in order. Choreographer Mandy Moore seized on this need and gifted him with... a schmaltzy slow dance set to "Listen to Your Heart." Not even the Roxette version! The judges keep crowing that Adéchiké isn't warm or passionate or puppet-smiley enough, but he's had to suffer the lamest batch of routines so far. If he listened to his heart onstage, he'd be angrily screaming at the sky. The judges should be thankful he's not hyperventilating with tears up there.
· Alex Wong paid the price for earning such insane praise last week. Dressed in navy ribbon and sparkling like either a gay marine or a Slovenian gymnast, he performed choreographer Tyce's take on Fosse. Maybe it was a tribute to Fosse's death, because this was tired. Mia Michaels claimed Alex's movements weren't "internal," though trust me, Mia, Alex's internal world was crowded with shame at the time.
· Ashley's choreography, set to Annie Lennox's "Wonderful," was among the best of the night. That's surprising since Ashley is a girl, and girls aren't what So You Think You Can Dance is about anymore. They should all take their moves to Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll, as far as I'm concerned. Ashley nailed the pacing here and imbued her performance with romantic ebullience.
· Billy Bell tried krumping last night and it looked like a Burger King Kids Club commercial. Now, he should end up in the Top 3 -- if not named the winner -- but his version of krump was just such a stretch, and not in the fun dance-y way. He showed aggression in his facial expressions, but unfortunately there were no chumps in the audience to wax like candles. (Copyright: V. Ice.) Not that great.
· Robert recast himself as tango master "Roberto" before attempting Argentinian shenanigans with his partner Anya. The harder Anya brought the freaky sex kicks and murder-mystery fierceness, the more Robert tensed up like a royal guard. She wiped the floor with him, which was smart since he was basically sterilized up there. After the dance, Robert inexplicably pretended to throw up. Don't try to relate to us now, sir.
· Melinda wore a dinner theater version of a Midsummer Night's Dream costume and sauntered on through this forgettable routine. And that's that! Bottom three, please welcome the queen of the fairies.
· Jose stole his sister's pajamas, and that helped rev him up for a Bollywood routine. The choreographers helpfully tried to incorporate some b-boy styling, but it was too late: India shut down its entertainment industry by the one-minute mark. When the judges laugh that it's "so wrong it was almost right," you know that makes a professional dancer feel good.
· Lauren had the misfortune of dancing to the worst Beyonce single ever, "If I Were a Boy," but she pulled through with believable angst and made this routine about domestic abuse actually work.
· Kent was assigned "jazz" this week, which is lucky, because if "jazz hands" were a person, it would be Wee Willie Wapakoneta himself. Jazz hands fell out of his eyes at one point. Anyway, the performance was joyous and a little too "Kent," as Mia pointed out. The boy has serious trouble adapting to the character of a dance, and I imagine this criticism will become a motif in the coming weeks. Still: JAZZ HANDS: THE PERSON. That'd play in Peoria.