Last week on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Danielle hired a few ex-cons to protect her at a cancer benefit. The night was supposed to be about a sick baby, but with Danielle and her shifty-eyed parolees present, the event turned into a circus freak show that bore conspiracy theories and insults -- the most controversial of which, an offensive term for gay men, was addressed in last night's episode "It's Not Me, It's You." Click through to see which moments hit the Real/Fake Jackpot this week.
TRUE: The Manzo Family Likes a Good Death Threat Joke As Long as It is Rooted in Truth and Enjoyed Over Homemade Veal Parmigiana
"Apparently," Jacqueline's daughter sent Danielle a text message saying that she was going to kill Danielle. And "apparently," Jacqueline's daughter started Facebook groups with the sole purpose of demonizing Danielle. It happens. But Jacqueline did not think that her daughter's online actions were funny at all. She sat her down at a fancy restaurant and demanded that her daughter stop all Danielle-related communication.
But when the family joined the Manzos for a good-old fashioned Italian dinner, the subject seemed hilarious to everyone. Maybe it was the red wine or maybe it was the endless pasta, but when Jacqueline's daughter repeated one of her threatening messages ("You need to fix your square t*t and you look like the Grinch.") it killed. I mean, the table was crying with laughter. Caroline later explained via confessional that the laughs were just a "mixed bag of emotion." And then the family toasted to never mentioning Danielle's name again -- unless it was a joke about her appearance over veal parmigiana.
FALSE: The Best Way to Cure A Man of His Dependency on Gay Slurs is to Buy Him an Expensive Suit
At least, that was Danielle's reasoning. Last week at the Brownstone, Danielle's ex-con friend called Caroline's son a "spineless f****t." The insult did not bother Danielle, since, as she explained, "If you say that to someone who is not gay, it's not offensive." But the moment bothered Danielle's friend Kim G., whose son is Caroline's son's best friend. This is getting confusing but since the whole episode was caught on camera, Danielle felt it was her duty to address the subject with her ex-con friend. Only instead of sitting him down and saying, "Maybe you should stop using that word," she said, "Let's go suit shopping!" Here is her own account of the shopping spree...
"Because of how Kim feels about Danny's behavior, I thought maybe we'd go shopping. Just to try things on and see how it feels -- if it just makes him feel a little better and makes him want to watch his language a little bit. [...] I think Danny's OK with updating his look a little bit. I think it's been a long time since he's been in a suit...I think he looked really handsome. And I think he was proud. I didn't hear him curse so maybe my point was made."
No, Danielle. Your point was never made because you did not make it in the first place. The only reason Danny did not reach into his gay slur arsenal was because you were suit shopping -- and no one had pissed him off yet. You can put pinstripes on an ignorant parolee but he is still an ignorant parolee. But yes, the suit was a minor improvement.