Good news, everyone: The Real Housewives of New York City made it through their third season with only one scam psychic, one horrible pop single, one DWI, one Hooters yacht party and one teensy, tiny nervous breakdown. Success like that deserves to be celebrated. So uncork your finest bottle of Sutter Home, wipe away your happy tears with a linen napkin and toast to the moments that hit the last Real/Fake Jackpot of the RHoNYC's third go-round.
REAL: Jill Zarin Cannot Get Through a Single Social Event Without Complaining
As hard as the vitriolic housewife tried to get through Ramona's renewal ceremony last night without unleashing her fury on the intimate gathering, she could not. An hour into the reception, Jill shouted into her microphone, "Already, there's problems. When you make people wait an hour past the time, you better feed me. I'm getting very hungry. Sorry. Even just a little something around the room would be nice."
REAL (Honorable Mention): Even Bravo Knows That Kelly Bensimon Is Crazy
Case in point, the title card that the network used to explain what the most breakdown-prone housewife has been up to since production stopped.
FAKE: People Enjoyed LuAnn's Live Performance
Three weeks ago, viewers watched as Two-Take LuAnn slaved over her new single "Money Can't Buy You Class." And by "slaved over," I mean that she rasped through exactly two takes while her producer, '70s Phil Spector Without the Wig, shouted that he was going to make Two-Take a big, big star.
After manipulating Two-Take's single into generic autotune drivel, '70s Phil threw a launch party for his prized artist. Two-Take invited all of her friends -- including a new man-friend named Jacques -- '70s Phil paid a dozen young women to escort him to the event in a stretch limousine and Bravo supplied the free bar. After the ladies had gotten into a few minor cat fights, Two-Take and '70s Phil took the stage for the big performance. Two-Take thanked her friends over the microphone, taking great pains to shout "I love you all" into the the sparse crowd. But there was a problem.
'70s Phil got so excited about playing his masterpiece that he actually started Two-Take's song before she was ready. For a split second, Two-Take had an Ashlee Simpson situation on her hands, but she recovered and lip-synched quickly to the right place. The funny thing is that Bravo probably could have done another take -- or even edited the sequence so that it looked like LuAnn was kind of singing along, but they didn't.
And it did not matter, because Two-Take's friends were there to pretend like they were really feeling the song. Kelly bopped back and forth to the jumbled rhythm. European Jacques smiled creepily at Two-Take, fantasizing about his own Bravo spin-off. Bobby slept but no one could tell because he was wearing sunglasses in the dark club. Jill mashed her teeth together into a smile even though her ears were bleeding. It was a heartwarming moment with a lesson: Real friends will fake enthusiasm about your pop single, especially if there are cameras nearby.