Last week on The Real Housewives of New York City, Kelly had a nervous breakdown and had to be airlifted off of the Caribbean island where Ramona was hosting her bachelorette party, but when viewers saw the ladies again last night, most of them were still trapped on the island. It was truly a hostage situation, one complete with mandatory pedicures and a torture session courtesy of special guest Jill Zarin. As always, Movieline assesses which moments hit the Real/Fake jackpot and predicts which housewife will have have the worst cast of post-traumatic stress.
REAL: Jill Zarin Decided to Host Her Winter Party in a Skating Leotard
Another week of Housewives means another ridiculous social event. This time, the fete was Jill's Winter Party, which was thrown at an ice skating rink so that everyone could enjoy the seasonal activity and a surprise performance by the host.
The whole "skating thing" threw off Kelly, who was still recovering from being trapped on an island with Bethenny for a week and babbled into the camera, "I was like, ice skating? Why a skating party? Skating?"
Why? Because Jill really wanted to show off her skate skills for the cameras. After taking a break from her hosting duties, Jill changed into a hot pink leotard (that she just happened to have with her) and asked for some Olympic skating coaches (who just happened to be in attendance) to accompany her over to the rink. "OK, who's ready?" the host shouted to the crowd of partygoers as she stepped onto the ice and then...[gasp]...tripped, diving face-first onto the rink.
"I wasn't embarrassed," Jill explained later. "If you're going to try something new, you're going to fall...but I have been ice skating since I was 9."
FAKE: Jill Zarin "Just Decided" To Drop in on Ramona's Island Bachelorette Party
If Ramona's bachelorette party had been at some Lower East Side strip joint, I could have almost believed that Jill "just decided" to drop in on the soiree. But "dropping by" a party that is being held on a secret island deep in the Caribbean -- so remote that Kelly had no way of escaping until she was declared clinically insane by a Bravo-mandated EMT and airlifted out -- is just not realistic, not even for the minimally reality-approaching standards of Real Housewives. It wasn't just finding the location that defied credulity -- it was that Jill would want to "drop in on" these women, half of whom she'd had serious altercations with in the past few episodes.
However unrealistic it was, the sneak attack was still a brilliant move by producers that was so inappropriate and ridiculous that even the cast members, now jaded by heavy "story editing," had not anticipated Jill's cameo. Their reactions to Jill, and her poor, beleaguered husband Bobby, were genuine: Alex broke out in hives and trembled so visibly that Ramona had to rock her until she was calm again, and Ramona declared herself speechless -- a condition apparently marked by lots of frantic speech. "You've got to be kidding," she said. "You have to be f***ing kidding. Jill just walked in. I don't get it. I don't know what to say." And for that very real reaction to the fakest scenario in Housewives of New York City history, we say "Bravo, Bravo."