If you were wondering why last night's episode of The Hills felt different, vaguely organic and less rage-filled, it's because Spencer and Heidi were gloriously absent. Maybe Heidi tagged along with Spencer on those producer-mandated anger management classes, or maybe editors scrapped the storyline in which Speidi hires a Shetland pony as their business manager and continues isolating themselves from the world, but either way, less Speidi meant that some of the other bit characters could really get deep for the cameras -- like Stephanie, who revealed that she had never heard of lacrosse. Click through to see which moments hit the Real/Fake Jackpot during last night's installment, "A New Bird."
REAL: Brody Jenner Is Skilled At the The One Night Stand
He just is. Don't question it. Here are the rules he outlined last night while discussing how to juggle two casual relationships at once...
1. Don't Ever Take Her Out For a Meal
This is when most self-respecting women ask their suitors to define a relationship. It's best to avoid coffee dates too.
2. If She Acts "All Quiet and Weird," Remember That That's Just Because She's a Chick
Brody knows, guys. Last night, he told Kristin that he was dating someone else. Kristin got all "quiet and weird, just like a chick." Instead of being sensitive to her feelings, though, Brody hung up the phone, refused to take any of Kristin's calls the next few days and started bringing his new girl around her.
3. The Morning After, Pretend Like You Are Really Busy
This is imperative, according to Brody: always wake up and immediately say that you have plans. Avoid all pillow talk, get out as fast as you can, go home and fall back asleep.
4. If She Asks, Be Honest About Wanting to See Other People
That way, whenever she gets upset, you can just say, "I've been honest this entire time."
5. When She Gets Upset That You Are Seeing Other People, Make Her Feel Horrible About Herself By Telling Her That She Is Crazy
This never fails. When she flies off the handle -- because she totally will, dude -- tell her that you never told her that you were more than friends and that she should not be acting like this if she values your friendship. It's called turning the tables, bro.
FAKE: Stephanie's Life is Too Complicated For a Beau
Last night, Lo tried to convince Stephanie that she knew of the "perfect guy." He was a professional lacrosse player, owned a car and was willing to appear on camera, which made him a complete catch. Stephanie was hesitant, though -- after all, she had gotten a DUI, was newly sober, and was still related to Speidi. "My life is just too complicated right now," she lamented. "It's just so much. I think that it'd just be scary for someone to hear all of the complications."
As we've learned from MTV, though, there is no such thing as "too complicated" for love. What's that? You're a 16-year-old mom? We'll give you a show to chronicle your new romance with your ex while you try to balance schoolwork and a newborn. (See: 16 and Pregnant) You're a recovering crystal meth addict and you want to find that perfect match? (See: True Life) I'm sure we can work something out. Come on, Stephanie, this is the perfect time for a romance!