It almost defies parody: Michael Bay has decided to rejuvenate the Transformers franchise by replacing Megan Fox with Victoria's Secret supermodel Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Little is known of the newcomer aside from the facts that she's Jason Statham's girlfriend, she looks fantastic in garters, and she has "no acting experience." But is the latter really true, or even all that important? Movieline's been able to dig up several videos of the up-and-coming ingenue that prove she's got exactly what Michael Bay is looking for.
Agent Provocateur Commercial
Talents on Display: Can utter expletives in a British accent, can give sensual lap dance from the first-person perspective, can unzip flies and doff panties, is OK with partial nudity
Rosie's 5 Beauty Secrets
Talents on Display: Can extol necessity of hoop earrings and mascara, can understand necessity of having good eyebrows, can cutely brush off crucial inability to count to five
Green Living
Talents on Display: Can grow her own foods, is willing to walk fluorescent green poodle if commanded, can connect with the common man who finds reading stuff confusing, can suck up to boyfriend's mom, can somehow rationalize love of protecting the environment with abetting Michael Bay's desire to create thousands of petroleum explosions per day
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Interview
Talents on Display: Can expertly rock lhasa apso hair, can gloss over inability to pronounce or understand the word "coquettish"
Interview with Entertainment Tonight
Talents on Display: Can make peacock feather wings appear to be a high-fashion choice and not a leftover Burning Man costume, can evince willingness to be part of a massive American brand, can appreciate the difficult and painstaking work of individual craftsmen in a way that some actresses with ill-advised Marilyn Monroe tattoos were never able to do