Crystal Bowersox or Lee DeWyze: Only one can run off with Idol's platinum crown and inherit the kingdom of Tiger Beat sorcerer Kris Allen. The other is forced into an underground burlesque ring with Diana DeGarmo and Bo Bice, who don't share tips. The stakes are high! Last night we watched as Crystal and Lee tackled three different selections, some old, some new. As expected, there was enough acoustic flair to revive MTV Unplugged for years -- but the real question is, who reigned with the best performance of the night? Tonight we find out what voters think, but in the meantime, we're ranking the night's performances from worst to first, stopping only if Simon Cowell tears up during his last judging moments on the Idol stage. (Spoiler: He's an unfeeling warlock.)
6. Lee DeWyze, "Beautiful Day"
I'm dishing tough love to Lee in assorted flavors today. First, the finale was not the best occasion to discover he can't do "anthemic." The judges raved like Traffic freaks following his performance of the similarly angelic "Hallelujah," but not even Randy Jackson could hide his disappointment this time. While Lee successfully growled during the verses, "Beautiful Day" is supposed to take off in the chorus (like the airplane in the video, see) -- and this sounded like a lawnmower trying to jump itself out of a crabgrass patch. Fight as Lee's John Deere larynx might, it didn't happen. He sounds best right when the words leave his mouth, not after he holds a colorless howl for too many bars.
Now, "Beautiful Day" is known for two reasons: 1) It relaunched U2 with its rock n' roll optimism, and 2) It's become one of the blandest, most commercialized singles of the past decade. I'd venture to say Lee only added to the latter portion of that legacy. More like "Stuck in a Wounded-Bear Groan I Can't Get Out of."
5. Lee DeWyze, "The Boxer"
We ask it every year, but honestly, why do the contestants rejigger old performances in the finale? Isn't the definition of "anticlimactic" an expected, underwhelming conclusion? That's what these "redo" performances give us. Seems obvious, namean? Quibbles aside, I preferred Lee's rendition of "The Boxer" from last night over his Top 7 night version, as it felt a little deeper, a little more lived-in. The energy level suffered, as Randy noted, but I think Lee sacrificed bombast for believability. Whether that's a criminal Idol faux pas will be revealed tomorrow.
And thankfully, he didn't hold onto too many notes. My favorite!
4. Lee DeWyze, "Everybody Hurts"
Let's hand it to our invisible dad Simon Fuller. His choices for the Final 2 were dated, sure, but they were weirdly unexpected and novel too. REM's songbook is underrepresented in Idol history, and I'm glad to see this thoughtful gem exhumed and placed on a proper pedestal. Lee sounded like he was shouting at times, but he summoned some weary, REM-level power in the verses. That's quite a feat, because understanding the scrawlings of Michael Stipe often requires research and the Rosetta Stone. But back to Lee's penchant for nailing verses: How can we nicely coerce Lee into singing verse-heavy songs? "American Pie" is perfect for him, right? Maybe we could just tell him? Ah, it's too late. If Lee had honed in on his sweet spot earlier, he might've had the verve for a Top 2 Idol performance. It's just not there. Our man GrizzLee Bore's been a regular Gentle Ben when it comes to class on the Idol stage, but he's not the rightful winner of season nine.
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3. Crystal Bowersox, "Me and Bobby McGee"
Aha! Here's the winner. Crystal's revamp of "Me and Bobby McGee" jutted with spontaneity, tearing through the rage-red Idol stadium like Janis Joplin through a fleet of minibars. "Me and Bobby McGee" was my third or fourth favorite Bowersox performance from the season ("Give Me One Reason" and "Long As I Can See the Light" are tops, no doubt), but this performance roiled with rambunctious fun. Contrary to what mumblecore mullet-man Alex Lambert says, I'd like to see Crystal trill an entire album of Janis covers. In fact, "Mercedes Benz" would've been a smarter choice than "Me and Bobby McGee." Shocker! Whatever. Crystal will win and dreadlocks will flutter across the nation's flag. The end.
2. Crystal Bowersox, "Up to the Mountain"
Old-hat Patti Griffin singles aren't my first candidates for "relevant 2010 hits," but that's what Bowersox plans to give us. Sigh. Fine. Thankfully, what could've been Crystal's stodgiest performance transcended time, attached itself to a wagon-chasing star, and doubled as a confessional monologue. This is a girl who knows she's approaching Vesuvian impact -- arriving at the mountain, if you will -- and she's flabbergasted to see her own trajectory ahead of her. The tears at performance's end evidenced her personal stakes in winning, too, which was touching. She held it together better here than during her "People Get Ready" performance in Inspiration Week, and I think voters will appreciate that too.
1. Crystal Bowersox, "Black Velvet"
1990, I missed you too! Simon Fuller chose the mysteriously huge Alannah Myles hit for Crystal's fantastic rasp, and the Toledo triller knocked it out of the park -- making my evening as coolly retro as I could ever want. If you eliminate this performance's ludicrous Miss Piggy staircase and otherwise awkward blocking, you'd have a world-class rendition. This marks the second time Crystal has improved upon the original artist's version ("Give Me One Reason" is the first, bien sur), adding staggering high notes and bolts of Bowersox brass.
Now that Crystal is the undisputed winner, will voters take up the charge and do their part? My feeling's yes. DeWyze may boast recent momentum and underdog appeal, but I think that fervor plateaued during last night's show. Crystal's fan squad just invigorated itself, and now it's her turn to rule with an iron grit.