So, about this new Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky: I don't dig her. Maybe it's that her cliched romantic musings only prove her to be a pallid mimeograph of past bachelorettes, but she's also aloof and... you know, not Vienna. Luckily, Movieline's newest feature has little to do with her, and much more to do with the show's 17 dimpled contestants vying for her love. With the Bachelorette Studfinder, we'll rack up the best dudes from each week's show and hopefully weed out people like Derrick (a tossed contestant who went by the nickname "Shooter" because he -- say it with me -- prematurely ejaculates) ahead of time. Prepare thy squeals for the five winsomest bachelors of the new season.
Kasey
My favorite type of Bachelor(ette) applicant: the completely serious contestant. Twice, he told Ali he wanted to "protect and guard" her heart, and that's an issue for two reasons: 1) Those are synonyms. 2) What does that mean? I sort of take it as, "I'll remain an unsmiling and needy man until you leave me, just like the rest of them." Say what you will: He's committed!
Roberto
The winner of the "first impression" rose and a bona fide candidate for the Final 8? One cause for worry: first impression roses rarely get you far in the competition, if memory serves. He does know how to salsa, though, which is one of those qualities you like in someone you're obligated to keep around.
Hunter
After the last Bachelor wedding with Jason Castro's ukulele serenade, I was sure I was through with the instrument whose most notable players are Don Ho and Victoria Jackson. Hunter proved me wrong -- his cute ditty where he announced his intentions was fine enough for day one.
Chris L.
Has there been a more application-ready life story in the history of The Bachelorette? He was a high-school teacher (smart), became a landscaper (sexy), and moved home to live with his dying mother (awwwy). And he's just symmetrical enough to make this whole bio a little unbelievable. Hope he doesn't kill anyone.
Jesse
The 24-year-old general contractor's a little awkward, but his gift-making jigsaw skills make him one of my favorites. He's also from "Peculiar, Missouri," which is not a failed ABC mystery series.