I defy you to give a crap about anything that follows as Hollywood Ink stalls out and dies a horrible death after the jump.
· Paula Patton is going to play the leader of a wealthy African-American family in the wedding comedy Jumping the Broom, about that family's clash with a less-privileged clan during a weekend wedding at Martha's Vineyard. It's currently shooting in Nova Scotia, which is just like Martha's Vineyard, but, like, with tundra. [THR]
· Orlando Bloom is joining the cast of Summit's 3-D take on The Three Musketeers, because, well, obviously. [Variety]
· Kevin Zegers has two indies lined up, including A Great Education (a coming-of-age drama at Harvard also starring Sir Ben Kingsley and Emma Roberts) and the college-heist flick Entitled, featuring... Ray Liotta. But what about the 50 Cent college movie above? Are there... two of Liotta? Flash-sideways, right? Ugh. [Variety]
· The 3-D reality-show-gone-awry thriller No Man's Land has added a cast including Michael Clarke Duncan, Sharni Vinson, Samm Levine, Christopher McDonald and -- from Lost, natch -- Zuleikha Robinson. [Variety]